Scholastic Magazine University of Notre Dame's Student Magazine since 1867

“We have to talk about something other than peeing your pants.”
- female tailgater

“No, idiot. South Carolina is SOUTH of North Carolina.”
- interhall football players

“That was also the summer my sister mooned Father Malloy.”
- reminiscing student

“I don’t really know what happened. All I saw was the bouncer holding her back while she flailed her arms and screamed, ‘This girl’s a [expletive] and won’t give it to me straight!’”
- bewildered student after seeing a bar fight wannabe

Guy 1: I would definitely be in Ravenclaw.
Guy 2: No way, you’d be in Hufflepuff.
Guy 1: Screw you!
- two students at the Purdue game just before taking an online Sorting Quiz on a Blackberry

OFrozen yogurt is a beloved staple of the dining halls, but there was a time in Notre Dame’s history when eating a frozen dessert was a traumatic experience, fraught with humiliation and anxiety — at least for girls. At one point, according to my alumni sources, a segment of the male population at ND decided that the women needed to start hitting the gym rather than the tasty delights and banded together to take action. A group of guys actually parked themselves near the sundae station at South during meals and held up cardboard signs stating “No Fat Chicks” when girls went to get ice cream. Who needs the cranberry juice fat flush when giving into your sweet tooth earns you the jeers and scorn of loud, obnoxious college guys? Instant dieting solution! On the other hand, I assume most people would prefer their dining experience to include minimal public humiliation (unless you’re the kid whose cup clatters down the stairs at North every meal). Luckily, the fun didn’t last very long for these unwelcome nutritional cheerleaders. They were shut down after a week or two.
- Kathleen Toohill