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What can I say about a movie that combines Natural Born Killers, Hansel
and Gretel, and teenage necrophilia that hasn't been said? The story is
about two girls named (I am not making this up) White Girl and Cyclona
escape from juvenile detention to flee to Mexico. Cyclona is a Latina,
played by Marķa Celedonio, who was convicted of murdering her family. It
turns out that her father molested and raped her while videotaping it. We
find that out later. White Girl, played by Natasha Lyonne, is a white girl
who burglarized a few houses and pretended to be a whore so she could rob
from men. They hook up and escape. Cyclona kills a bunch of people, they
both smoke, drink, and swear a lot. There's a few (unintentionally) funny
scenes with David Alan Grier (who is losing my respect by the minute).
They meet this guy on a train, kill him and steal his guns (and his crack,
which they use to mark a trail so they can find their way back. It was
stolen by some crackheads.) They arrive in Mexico and find Sister Gomez,
who is played by Vincent Gallo. She promises to help them if they make
some money for her ministry. The nun's home has table after table of baked
goods, roasted pork, and such. There's even candy lining the house, and
the place is swamped with children. You get the idea. Well anyway, White
Girl starts playing whore again and steals from the guys who pay for er
services (which she never renders). She starts to wonder what happened to
Cyclona, and she starts looking for her and notices that no kids are
around. She sneaks into the cellar and finds all the kids. She tells them
to leave. Then she sees Cyclona who is in a weird contraption hovering
over the ground. She tells White Girl that Sister Gomez was killing kids,
cutting them up, and selling them to street vendors as beef. It turns out
Cyclona was there before when her father would rape her. White Girl frees
Cyclona, and the two run into Gomez, who turns out to be a guy. White Girl
kills off the henchmen (who weren't there before) and stuffs Gomez into
the oven, cooking him. At this point, the building is surrounded, and
Cyclona knows she's done for. She never wants to go back to jail. She
wants to die. So White Girl kills her. The cops bust in, and White Girl
makes some kind of deal with them, so she's off the hook (even though she
really should be put away).
Now, I have to admit that sounds like a pretty interesting story just reading it, but you have to see it to see how bad it is. The story itself is really good, in my opinion, but the delivery was awful. It started out really slow and stupid. The inmates were all bulimic, and they'd all sneak off together to binge and purge. Fun. The dialog was awful. I wouldn't feed those lines to a dying llama. There were parts of it toward the end where it felt like the movie was getting ready to redeem itself, but any time it came close, someone had to say something stupid. I'd like to see this move remade with a new script, new editor, new actors, and new director. It wasn't good. Dave summed this movie up in one word: Unpleasant |