2001: A Drunk Odyssey
Amy Schill
Dazed and Amused
A week ago today was my 21st birthday (yes, Notre Dame's most cynical female is growing up). I had a great time — a little too good of a time — and, as so many events in life tend to leave me, the whole experience left me dazed (literally) and amused. So, I would now like to relate to you a little story I like to call "2001: A Drunk Odyssey."
As successful as the big day was, it started out rather inauspiciously. At the stroke of midnight, I dragged a couple of friends to Meijer, because, like any huge dork, I wanted to have my first legal drink immediately. Now since in my past drinking exploits the law was always the last thing on my mind, I was a little unaware on the many restrictions on purchasing alcohol in this terrible, terrible state.
After selecting my favorite beverages and beginning the self check-out, I was told by a less-than-friendly store employee that I couldn't buy alcohol on a Sunday. I cleverly pointed to my watch and informed her that it was now in fact Monday, to which she responded, "You can't buy till 7 a.m. you huge Notre Dame tool."
We refused to give up. John Litle, my friend and fellow communist, I mean columnist, was even more determined to get me more liquored up than I was. Cursing Meijer all the way, he drove us to a 24-hour restaurant so I could order a beer. I asked the waiter if he had my favorite beer, and the dude made a point to go check and then tell me, "Yes, but you can't have it. It's after hours you huge Notre Dame tool."
Resigned to the fact that it was easier to get alcohol during Prohibition than on an early Monday morning, we headed back to my dorm. I would like to ask the state of Indiana and other states with similar laws, a question. Why have you secularized society so much, only to keep an antiquated law that only serves to screw me over? We support bombing Afghanistan on a Sunday, but Amy can't drink a Hooch.
Bah.
As I was giving my diatribe on Indiana to my dorm security guard, she suggested we try Michigan. My twilight zone experience continued as we realized that all gas stations in Michigan at that time are either closed or do not sell beer. Let me repeat myself: the gas station did not sell beer. I now declare a tie between Indiana and Michigan as the most toolish state ever. I can't tell you how close we were to just going to Canada.
Rejected by the entire bi-state area, I went through the vast majority of my birthday without a drop of alcohol in my system. But I made up for it that night.
Oh boy did I make up for it.
A bunch of my friends and I went to Friday's because, as one friend told our waiter, "We don't want to take her to a bar on Monday night so she can be hit on by townies." The waiter, was, of course, a townie himself.
Let's see what happened next. Oh that's right, I got drunk. I got very drunk. Then I went to a shady bar in Michigan and got drunk some more. At some point I stopped ordering drinks and they just started appearing before me. My main topics of conversation at this point were the problems with both libertarianism and socialism and how awesome I think Prince is. Yes, I was finally living out my fantasy of being just like Jack Kerouac but without the writing part. Unfortunately, "2001: A Drunk Odyssey" quickly deteriorated into "2001: A Vomiting Odyssey." Lovely.
Anyway, even including the sequel to our adventure, I still had an incredible birthday. To all of you who were there, thanks for a great night. We'll have to do it again — never.
Amy Schill is a junior English major. Her column appears every other Monday. She can be reached at aschill@nd.edu.
The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.
All Viewpoint Stories for Monday, December 3, 2001
