In case you haven't been glued to the Weather Channel like I have recently, here's a little weather update for you:

Forecast for today: Cloudy and cold.

Forecast for tomorrow: Cloudy and cold.

Forecast for the next day: Cloudy and cold.

You get the idea.

Freshmen, welcome to "South Bend winter."

It doesn't take much in the way of meteorological skill to predict the weather here in South Bend.

One look outside your window, and you too can get a job at WNDU telling people that it will be cloudy and cold — with an occasional chance of rain, snow, sleet, freezing rain, locusts or a rational Notre Dame administration — from now until March.

I figure I might as well get you used to the grayness that you've been noticing in the skies for the past few days. I think I should also get you all used to the two words that will dominate your winter vocabulary: lake effect.

Yes, this is another meteorological trend that requires little meteorological assistance to predict. If it's cold and windy, you can bet about a foot of lake-effect snow is on its way.

Recent winters have proven me wrong, but it's not exactly brain surgery to figure out that, sooner or later, it's going to snow.

And snow or no snow, it's going to be cloudy and cold anyway.

To my friends from the South: Welcome to the North. Hope you brought a parka.

For those who haven't experienced it, the effect known as "South Bend winter" can be quite startling.

Snow plows and salt trucks replace alarm clocks and video games as your biggest hurdles to attending class.

One can literally spend entire months having not seen the sun.

People actually pay $6 for a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

The lakes on Notre Dame's campus deep-freeze in an icy shade of brown.

The snow-covered campus still smells like ethanol.

All of this will last for four months. At least.

Did you ever notice all of the promotional material you got before you signed on to go to school here? Did you ever see any snow in any of those photos?

I didn't think so.

Snow is a South Bend phenomenon that is to be avoided at all costs. Sure, it might look good on a Currier & Ives cookie tin, but in reality (or at least along Lake Michigan), once it starts snowing it just does not stop.

Underneath this neat little column of mine, our good friends at The Observer have attempted to bring you a fairly optimistic-looking weather forecast.

Don't buy it. You know better.

Just look out your window.

Cloudy and cold, right?

• Forecast: Cloudy and Cold