Koestner: date rape is an important issue on college campuses
By COLLEN McCARTHY
Associate News Editor
When Katie Koestner began college in the fall of 1990 at the College of William and Mary in Virginia, she never imagined that her plans for the future would have led her to giving the speech she did before students from Notre Dame and Saint Mary's on Tuesday night.
"When I started college I had more than a few plans, none of which worked out, and now I'm standing here in front of all of you," Koestner said.
Koestner's life was changed in the fall of her freshman year when she was raped by a fellow student she had been dating casually. After going on a date with the student named Peter, Koestner invited him back to her dorm room with the intentions of dancing. However, Peter had other plans. At one point while in her room, she turned around and saw he was in only his boxers and socks.
Koestner acknowledged that she did not think she was sending him a message that she wanted to have sex with him just because she invited him back to her room.
"Some might say that I was naive," said Koestner. "I guess I was naive if your definition of naive is someone who thinks that you can like someone, be in a room alone with someone and not have sex."
Koestner added that what complicated the situation is that she actually liked Peter.
"I should remind you that I liked him and I don't want you to forget that because if that wasn't the case, the whole issue would be crystal clear," she said.
Tickling and teasing transpired into a wrestling match that night that left her on the floor pinned under Peter's weight with him holding her hands above her head by her wrists and kissing her even though she said "no."
After the incident, Koestner didn't tell Peter to leave her room that night.
"I can't tell you why I didn't throw him out of my room," she said. "Maybe it was because I thought he would just sleep it off and then go home in the morning but when he awoke, he saw me huddled in the corner and I hadn't slept all night. He said I should lay down and close my eyes and get some sleep. When I did that, and started to fall asleep, I could feel him and he started to kiss me and I said `no.'"
Koestner said people have asked her why she didn't scream or hit him to stop Peter from raping her.
"I didn't scream because do you know what I did? I bit a hole through the inside of my cheek and I still have the scar today so maybe that is why I didn't scream, and I didn't hit him because I had my arms crossed over my chest trying to protect myself," she said.
Koestner later told her resident advisor about the incident and reported it to the dean of her college. She wasn't aware of the 72-hour time period to go to a hospital to have evidence collected. She went to campus police and they conducted an investigation and Peter was brought to a hearing, found guilty and told to stay out of her residence hall for the rest of the semester. He was later thrown out of school after being found guilty of raping a second woman. Koestner also noted that rape occurs 84 percent of the time between individuals who know each other. Only 16 percent of rapes are committed by strangers.
"When I was 18, date rape didn't exist," said Koestner. "My dad sent me to school with a can of mace to protect me, but when I went on my date with Peter, I didn't think I needed my mace because I didn't accessorize for a date with Prince Charming with a can of mace."
Koestner appealed to the men in the audience.
"I'm here at Notre Dame for the third time and I'm thinking about all the men in this room but also all the men who are not here who saw the ads for the lecture and said `I don't need to go, it's not my issue, I'm not a rapist,'" said Koestner. "I think I could tell this story of the worst night of my life a thousand times but if just one of the bravest men in this room would stand in the middle of campus and say `rape is wrong' it would be just as effective.
"So for the men in the room, I have only 50 minutes of your life, and you can blow me off if you want to, but I am asking for your help."
Koestner said that she had two reasons for travelling to the more than 800 schools she has visited speaking about date rape. She said she does it in hopes that there will be one day without any rapes occurring and in hope that she can reach someone with her message and prevent rape or help others assist someone who has been raped.
In her final appeal to the men in the audience' she asked them to leave "angry and angry enough to do something more about this issue of rape than just be here tonight."
For women, Koestner encouraged them to live each day deciding what one is willing to take and what one is not willing to take, to be strong for one's self and to recognize that one's best self-defense is self-esteem.
All News Stories for Wednesday, November 15, 2000
