Where's the class?
John Litle
Frankly Obnoxious
Watching the Michigan game a few weeks back, it became apparent to all of us just what "lack of class" was. We watched the definition of low class as a Michigan player overtly attempted to injure Carlyle Holiday. But talking about classlessness and Michigan is a redundancy in terms. And Michigan State makes Michigan look like the Charisse Leroux School of Etiquette for girls. But enough about football, I want to talk about the low class that I see on this campus — the lack of common human courtesy that we endure every day.
Topping the list of classless members of the Notre Dame community is the Notre Dame Security Police. Oh wow, attacking the agency that both knows me and my car by name and sight — yes. Let's redefine low class. On Sept. 11, between about 4 and 7 p.m., can any of you remember where you were? For almost everyone on campus the answer is, "At the Sept. 11 Mass in front of the Reflecting Pool."
But if you were a Notre Dame security officer, your answer would be, "Walking through D2 handing out $50 no decal tickets like candy, since I knew lots of people from off campus would probably be parking there to get to the Mass."
Am I saying that the NDSP doesn't have the right to ticket people during perhaps the three most sensitive hours on the most sensitive day of the year? Of course not. I'm just saying it shows a complete and total lack of class.
Though outdone by the NDSP, Father Mark Poorman strives for low class excellence. Father Poorman, it seems, thought that it wasn't enough to ticket 38-year olds last year for tailgating ... no, no, no. There is far more to come from this generous contributor to our low class administration. Poorman decided that he'd make all the students think of him as generous by allowing student tailgates — in a roped off 20-by-20 yard pen the absolute farthest distance from campus he could possibly find. And he named it "Blue Field South."
So, on top of his undeniable total lack of regard for student input, and his unbelievable ability to treat students like children as he did last year, he has now chosen to be offensively demeaning with his "student playpen" out back of Blue Field. Try again, Father Poorman; you've come up once more as straight no class.
Oh, I can go on. In fact, I think I will. Striding hard not to be outdone are the stadium ushers. Words cannot express the abject hatred I feel for these power-tripping, rent-a-cop wannabes, or at least for the one in charge of their new ID checking policy. Why is it necessary that I wait 10 minutes in a line to get into my section? Because some over-eager authoritarian megalomaniacal jerk in charge of the ushers decided that all tickets and IDs must be checked to let people into the student section.
Well let me tell you this. It's not working, Hans. First, you're just angering students by creating this attempt at keeping their guests out of the student section. Notre Dame students don't care if other student's guests come in our section. We've all had guests, and we are more than willing to allow others to bring theirs (assuming they don't puke on us). We have class. We are generous and giving. To whomever is in charge of the ushers, if you really have to get out all that pent up angst or something, go beat up schoolchildren or smash mailboxes. Stop interfering with my game. Low, low class.
Lastly, circling back to my favorite clown and yours, Father Poorman, we come to last week's SYRs, if you can call them that. Sure they got mixed reviews; I read that article. Father Poorman and Father Doyle liked them; everyone else didn't. But that's fine. I love being forcibly exiled from my home for six hours a night so I can go to a dance. Sounds like a sacrifice you'd love to make. What, Father Poorman, would you say if I told you that every time you go to Mass, you have to wait six hours to go back home? I'm sure you'd put your time to use by finding some students to terrorize, but still it'd be quite an inconvenience. Thanks anyway for getting student input on the policy change. Classless.
One more thing — let me catch you before you start writing your Viewpoint letter. You're probably going to say that this column was low class, and that I exemplify everything I complain about. Fair enough, I'll take the blame. Someone needed to say it.
John Litle is a senior MIS major who will be hiding on campus somewhere away from his room. He hopes you enjoyed his musings today. He will be anxiously anticipating your angry retorts at jlitle@nd.edu. His column runs every other Friday.
The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.
All Viewpoint Stories for Friday, October 4, 2002
