My vale of ignorance has been lifted. No longer do I walk in darkness.

My new found knowledge is due to a most enlightening letter to the editor which appeared in Wednesday's Observer. I would like to thank that author for revealing to us his great wisdom and knowledge.

Before I read that letter I was under the impression that Irish cornerback Clifford Jefferson was sitting a few rows over from me in my philosophy class every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Now I know that it is not Jefferson that sits near me, but instead, some sort of cyborg constructed by the administration to trick me into thinking that Jefferson is in my philosophy class.

How have I come to this conclusion? Well, thanks to that all-knowing member of the class of 1995, I now know that all football players are too busy "living off campus, partying, playing video games and being sexually promiscuous" to attend classes. How could I have been so stupid as to think that football players made a contribution to this campus on days other than football weekends?

I would like to thank that author for showing me that all football players are "professional underqualified jocks who never study." Because before I read your intelligent discourse, I had been under the faulty assumption that tight end Jabari Holloway was a great guy who got amazing grades in a nearly impossible major.

According to my new found logic, his 3.2 GPA in computer engineering is most certainly a lie. Because without studying and working hard, he never could have achieved those grades.

And when I speak to Bobby Brown, I must be hearing someone throwing his voice so that it appears that Brown is speaking. Because when I hear his words, I don't hear an ignorant, under-qualified fornicator but instead I hear an intelligent, articulate leader.

It is certainly a clever ploy by the administration that Brown's true nature is so hidden that I cannot discover it. But no more will I be fooled, thanks to that well-thought letter.

But the cover-up extends further than just to an sports writer for The Observer. Even Parade magazine was fooled into thinking that football players are more than big guys who hit each other. They once did a cover story on Chris Zorich and his incredible social work with inner-city kids.

Perhaps Parade needs to be told that all football players are worthless people with no redeeming values. I mean Chris Zorich is certainly not the kind of person that we want people to envision of when they think of Notre Dame. Why would Our Lady's University possibly want to be associated with a man from the inner-city of Chicago who earned a degree, played in the National Football League, started his own charity organization that has helped hundreds of people and is now going to law school? Those sure sound like the actions of an underqualified slacker.

Or perhaps I was wrong to accept the views stated in that letter. Maybe the author should have opened his eyes to the wonderful people that don the blue and gold for the Irish every Saturday? Holloway, Brown and Zorich are just a few of the many players who are making positive contributions to the Notre Dame community and beyond.

The views expressed in the Inside Column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

• Students in helmets