You would think that after taking several courses in gender studies, I would have a better understanding of the differences between men and women. I don't. You would think that growing up with two brothers and a father in a very small house with three daughters and a mother, I would understand the male as well as the female perspective of family life. I don't. And you would think that after two serious relationships involving long distance, I would begin to grasp the disparity between the way men and women understand one another. But I don't.

It's not that the gender studies courses failed to teach me; I aced all of them. It's not that my family failed to communicate; we definitely had our share of heated "discussions." And it's not that my long distance relationships failed to foster conversation; my phone bills prove otherwise.

Women and men are simply from vastly different planets.

The famous (or infamous) sociological study by John Gray Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a wonderful look at the inherent differences men and women face in their relationships, and it offers concrete examples of how to bridge the astronomical gap that separates the sexes. But it left out a few important points.

It doesn't tell you that men are born equipped with an emotional safety valve that they can turn on and off at their will. It doesn't tell you that they can't grasp the concept of transcending emotions across space and time. It doesn't tell you that they would rather sulk with their buddies over a beer than actually admit their fears to a woman.

Similarly, it doesn't tell you that women are born equipped with overacted tear ducts that they CANNOT turn on and off their will. It doesn't tell you that they can't grasp the concept of giving up or letting go just because of space and time. It doesn't tell you that they would rather sulk with their girlfriends over chocolate rather than actually trying to see things from his perspective.

But seeing the other perspective is impossible. We can say we do. But we really don't. There is no way to get inside another person's head, heart or experiences – no matter how much we read, talk or overanalyze. We can come close and taste the hint of comprehension, but we never truly get there.

Is all then lost? No way.

Not all men and women fit my highly generalized descriptions, and those that do still have the great comforts of beer and chocolate. But we also have something even better – the opportunity to step back and look at ourselves. We may not be able to get truly inside someone else, but we can get inside ourselves and see that what we do and say affects those that matter the most in ways we never considered.

The idea of building a spaceship and flying back to our planetary origins is always an option, but then again, I'd rather just accept that women will be women, men will be men, and that that elusive somewhere in the middle is waiting.

• Men Really Are From Mars