I'm sure that years from now when I look back on my time at Notre Dame, I'll always have a special place in my heart for that SYR at the Rock. There's nothing quite like dancing the night away in a non-air-conditioned gym scented with the sweat of past workouts and basketball games.

The scary part is that this may not be far from the truth.

In case you've literally been living under the Rock, University officials instituted sweeping changes to the alcohol policy last spring. Although the new rules now permit student-hosted tailgates, officials forbade "hard" alcohol on campus and in-hall SYR dances.

Since that declaration, the University has published a list of alternate campus venues to host the popular dorm event. You've got to give the University credit. They may have instituted a draconian policy but they're determined not to kill the campus social scene … at least not just yet.

In all seriousness, there are several decent locations on the list. Dorms have already hosted successful on-campus formals at Alumni Senior Club and the LaFortune Ballroom.

And some of the locations, like the Main Building rotunda and the Warren Golf Club House, sound pretty cool.

But quite a few seem to be a stretch. The Morris Inn outdoor tent? That should be fun come February.

Stepan Center? The building's held together by duct tape, for God's sake. I'm already praying Hail Mary's so the thing doesn't collapse when I take my exams there. And that's in complete silence. I can't even imagine cramming a couple of hundred people under there with movement and loud music.

Or how about the first floor of Hesburgh library? One incident of an intoxicated student puking on a book or computer and that location gets crossed off the list real quick.

Officials also list the DeBartolo 134 Lounge, Grace Hall basement and the Knights of Columbus building as potential locations. Those places sound great if you're a relatively small dorm like Badin or Howard and then half the residents don't bother to show up. However, if your dorm plans to have more than six couples attend, you better think twice before reserving those venues.

I can think of a few more locations for the administration to put on their list. They skipped right over the water tower and power plant. Let's not forget the guard gates. Combined they may have more square footage than the Notre Dame Room at LaFortune — which is on the list, incidently.

I'm not wasting my time arguing for University officials to renege on the alcohol policy. I've already gotten that e-mail. All I ask is for an ounce of respect. In their fervor to find SYR locations, officials have slipped in some crazy options.

It's fine to require dorms to have their dances outside the hall, but don't insult our intelligence by offering locations that are both impractical and downright crappy.

By the way, I went ahead and reserved the Port-o-Johns outside the Joyce Center for the next Board of Trustees meeting. You may want to add that to the list as well.

• SYR in a tent?