My angry pen has one more column left in it before I set out for a world less tolerant of my ranting. Before I leave, I want to impart knowledge and highlight perspectives gained during my four years under the watchful eye of Our Lady, most of it outside the classroom.

First and foremost, those of you who oppose ROTC have taught me that all the piety in the world cannot prevent blatant ignorance from poisoning well-intended minds, most of which belongs on the pages of an SDS pamphlet.

You've also taught me by example that the same left-wing mackerel-snappers who oppose Ex Corde and praise academic freedom will gladly call for more Church control of ROTC instruction.

Student Affairs, you gave me a financial lesson in your handling of my failed e-mail prank, one I was too stupid to execute in the first place.

When I think of the date rapists I'll graduate alongside, it warms my heart to know you'll keep constant vigilance against my facetious lobbying for transgendered sea anemones, while people deserving of jail time accept their degrees and go on their merry way. Perhaps I should have tried out for a sport.

Of course, the student body echoed this unequal response to rape when it set out to draw and quarter the "waterboy," while the rape case generated nowhere near the same amount of indignation (I know from viewing the letters to the editor, both published and unpublished). The precedent you have set for future generations is clear: have your way with our women, just don't jeopardize our NCAA berth. Go Irish!

Pom-Pon Squad, you proved that eye candy can get annoying, which I once considered impossible. Sometimes it's just better to be left to concentrate on the game. I don't mind the cheerleaders as much, but then again, they don't look like extras for a Sir Mix-a-Lot video.

Common Sense, I have to mention you to ensure that more students around here will have heard of you by the time they've graduated. I consider you more than free birdcage lining passed out in O'Shag; to me, you're a wonderful collection of Noam Chomsky and Molly Ivins columns interspersed with Pope-hating Ann Pettifer and the like. Thanks for the entertainment.

Finally, I want to express my gratitude to Student Government and the various elections people. Thanks for whining when "joke candidates" pop up in your elections. It's entertaining to observe that that you're still oblivious to the fact that we're tired of the Sweet Valley High popularity contests we witnessed in high school. And while I'm on the topic, thank you Student Senate for your outrage on cartoons and other pressing topics. Any time you make a valid point, it's usually obvious "racism is bad" type comments. I regret that I'll miss the "It hurts to get Mr. Happy caught in your zipper" Decree of 2001.

I consider each of these lessons key to my growth as a person. Well, those, and the irony that nothing says WASP more than Irish Catholics at Notre Dame. But the moral of the story is that we're a group of confused, sometimes spoiled, always sheltered students with an administration that often fails to set the example. And despite all of that, I still love this place.

• Bombs away