Think of ND community before disobeying rules
Anonymi
April 17, 2002
On the night of an in-hall formal, my boyfriend and I had been drinking at parties with friends, and at one point during the night we all went to my room. He and I were left alone, and one thing led to another.
A week later my rector approached me to request a meeting with the assistant rector and me. Apparently, a window had been open that night and hall staff, among other guests, had heard noises coming from the room that sounded very much like someone was having sex. I clarified that those were the noises they had heard, and then I told her that my boyfriend and I had had sex for the first time that night.
This was followed by the talk with my rector and assistant rector and then by a meeting with my boyfriend and both of our rectors in which we both retold the story of what had happened, how we felt about the whole thing and where things should go from there. Through the whole process, my boyfriend and I came to very important realizations.
First of all, we had broken a very serious University rule. Attending Notre Dame means more than that to both of us, and we had taken for granted the privilege and opportunities this school offers us. Regardless of where we stand on the Church teaching on sexual ethics, we chose to come here knowing Notre Dame's expectations, whether we agree with them or not.
Additionally, we were blatantly disrespectful toward my hall community. We put many residents and their guests in a very awkward and unpleasant situation. We were inconsiderate toward my roommate and I could very easily have jeopardized our relationship had she come home earlier. We showed disrespect toward members of my hall staff by taking for granted their roles in the community and by ignoring their effort to make the dance a success. We gave a very wrong image of my hall to guests who did not already have an impression based on what our community is really about. I represented my hall terribly and gave a very poor impression of the hopes we have as a dorm community.
The experience also gave us an opportunity to re-evaluate our relationship. We talked about the level of total commitment and unity that sex entails and asked ourselves if we were at that level. We questioned our motivations for having sex and realized that, at this point in our relationship, there are so many better ways to express our love for one another. We also looked at the potential consequences of having sex at this time in our lives and realized that sex is not something we need in our relationship right now.
We also learned something about our rectors through the talks we had with them. We realized that a rector's most important job is to help us develop to our full potential as adults, and part of the reason we were not sent to ResLife was because we were honest about what had happened that night and we were ready to be accountable for our actions. Talking to our rectors helped us sort through the confusion of our experience and helped us realize that they play more than just a disciplinary role for students.
We published this article hoping that by sharing our experience, others will re-evaluate their decisions before making a mistake like we did. We hope that you think about what attending Notre Dame really means to you before disregarding rules, and we hope you understand everything you are potentially risking by choosing to ignore them. We hope you will consider how choices you make affect the communities of which you are a part. We hope you remember that your choices make a difference in community.
We hope that you think about how your decisions affect you, those in personal relationships with you and your futures as adult women and men. And finally, we hope you talk to someone if you are confused about an issue before it becomes a problem. If you feel that you cannot approach your rector, then please seek out someone — anyone — another trusted hall staff person, a parent, a mentor or a friend. You might be surprised at what you discover about yourself and the ones you love in this place that we love.
Anonymi
April 17, 2002
All Viewpoint Stories for Wednesday, May 1, 2002
