Articles that (alas) never will be
Scott Little
just a little
Here are a bunch of titles that will never have articles to go along with them. Some of them have a few sentences after them because I started writing the article, but then got stuck:
No prayer in school
Even though Notre Dame is a Catholic school, I would like to propose that we ban prayer on campus. First of all, not everyone on campus is religious, and second of all, campus is still in America, which is a public place.
Trick or treat
If you think about it, every day is Halloween. You never know who is going to snap next. Every time someone puts out their hand to greet you, is it a trick … is it a treat?
The dirt bike college
As far as I can tell, Notre Dame is really rich. If we wanted, we could have people chop down all the trees, ship in dirt and cover the whole campus. Then, we could all get dirt bikes and ride around on them. We could cover up some of the buildings and they would be giant jumps. And in the winter, we would have some wicked snowboarding jumps.
Dad and his hoes
My dad is Southern, and he always talks about how much he loved his hoes. He got the hoes when he was 15 years old. He used to ride it anywhere he could. But when he was 17, his mom made him keep'm in the barn next door. He loved going over late at night and teaching'm new tricks. He used to love to feed'm apples and pet the long black hair. It wasn't always easy to clean up, but it was worth it. It's sad though that Buttermilk got rabies and died when he was four.
Breakfast cereal killers
There are so many different characters on cereal boxes. It makes me wonder if one is stronger than all the others. Of course, some of them would have to stick together if we would have a big brawl — for example, the Rice Krispie boys and the Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cooks. And who is cooler, the Golden Crisp Bear or the Honey Smacks Frog? Who is crazier, the Koo Koo bird or the Trix Rabbit? Just how far are they willing to go for their delicious cereals? Would they kill?
Polls and poles, oh boy!
Dorm polls are ok, but there are lots of better kinds of polls. Like Totem poles and …
Ricky Martin, Ricky Lake
It sure is amazing how people with the same name can be so different.
Snorkels all the time
In the future, there probably won't be a lot of air left. I imagine that people, will have to wear snorkels … All the time.
Grab the slab
There is no meat on Fridays, and something isn't quite right about that. I understand that the University is Catholic, but the University doesn't eat. Isn't the whole point that we are supposed to be strong enough to say, "No, I will not eat that meat." Well, if it's not there at all, we aren't consciously making a sacrifice, especially since at this time most of us have used up most of our flex points and BK and Reckers aren't an option.
But I honestly don't really care. It must be nice for the meat carvers to get a day off. Also, meat comes from dead animals. And the more animals that are alive, the happier the world will be.
How did they get away with that?
There are a few things in life that I will never understand. Among those things are how in the world did the TV show "Growing Pains" ever get away with having one of their characters named "Boner."
The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.
All Scene Stories for Wednesday, April 5, 2000
