Most people have no doubt seen those t-shirts that on the front say, "Sex Kills" and on the back read, "Then come to Notre Dame and Live Forever." While mildly amusing, this message is incorrect.

Sex happens here.

A lot.

Contrary to the predominant male-centric opinion, sex does not equal penetration. From kissing to coitus, sex encompasses a broad range of activity that does not necessarily have to include intercourse to be considered sex. It is this view that penetration and the male orgasm must be involved in the definition and practice of sex that has continued to suppress women's sexuality and hindered gender relations on campus.

God forbid women should have a sexuality beyond drunken kisses, and even worse they should enjoy it. God forbid they should break the Madonna/whore dichotomy and simply be natural women. God forbid they should educate themselves about the kinds of decisions that they have the right to make about their bodies and their sexuality.

And God forbid they should talk about it.

How many people do you know who speak of sex only in terms of hooking up and getting some? Rarely among students is sex spoken of beyond these crude terms, as if any kind of more serious sexual activity would be somehow unacceptable to verbalize. The mentality around here seems to be that if you only hook up at Heartland when you're drunk, you're still a good Catholic. But if you (gasp!) spend the night somewhere you're not supposed to and do things under the covers with someone you love or care about, you are a bad person and need to go to confession.

We don't want to acknowledge that we are sexual people. We don't want to talk about the reality of sexual suppression here, or the frustration of double standards. Why? Why do we allow the false image of purity here to prevent us from talking about what's happening in our lives? Your roommates are probably not as pristine as you think, or as they might like you to think. I know too many people who are afraid to talk about sex for fear they will be unfairly judged. They are not necessarily seeking advice on how to give a blow job, but are earnestly wondering about serious issues like AIDS, STDs, birth control and abortion.

It is absolutely shameful that Notre Dame and Health Services refuse to make information on these and other issues available or offer help on where to go to get this information. Just because someone informs him or herself about birth control pills or condoms does not mean he or she is engaging in sexual activity. In fact, the more information you have about sex, the less likely you will have it because of the serious responsibility that comes with it. Going in blind and naïve is so much more dangerous.

The silence about sex that permeates our campuses has got to be broken. It's unhealthy, unnatural, and people are getting both physically and emotionally hurt. Yes, sexuality is a gift from God to be saved for marriage. But that is an ideal, not reality. Yes, this is a Catholic university, but that doesn't mean we should be silent. God also gave us voices and ears.

It's about time we use them.

• Let's Talk About Sex