Hellrung reflects on homosexuality at `a place like this'
By BRIAN HOBBINS
News Writer
Breen-Phillips senior Alyssa Hellrung began her lecture entitled "What it Takes to be Honest in a Place Like This" with a powerful image.
"Imagine if you woke up one morning and you realized that all the time you thought your eyes were dark brown they were really blue," Hellrung said? describing her sexual awakening.
The lecture examined homosexuality and activism for gay and lesbian rights at Notre Dame in her lecture Wednesday night in her dorm.
"I want to talk about what happened before I started questioning my sexuality," Hellrung said. She discussed her adolescence, which included a normal upbringing, concerns with popularity and a pursuit of the opposite sex.
"I was having feelings for women as well, and I didn't know what it meant at that time," Hellrung said.
She dismissed those feelings as a part of her lifelong desire for an older sister.
"I went through high school and had a lot of boyfriends, but for whatever reason I'd always break up with them," Hellrung said.
She also examined the physical side of her heterosexual relationships, remembering shuddering after kissing her boyfriend.
"It was a shudder of repulsion — no offense to you guys," she said. Later in high school, Hellrung examined her relationship with a female friend in a different light, questioning if she had a crush on her.
"It made me question a lot of my relationships and what was behind them," said Hellrung, adding that such questioning led to some self doubt. "I didn't want to go there, to think that I might be all the way gay."
Hellrung found it hard to talk with her parents about the issue as well.
"She [my mom] would say something that would hurt me, like this is just a phase," she said.
Hellrung realized that her only way to make an informed decision would be to act on her impulses. She described an encounter with a friend, Angie.
"She just knew she was gay," said Hellrung.
The friendship led to physical contact and an awakening for Hellrung.
"Over the summer before I came here, I realized that I was a lesbian," she said. "Then I came to Notre Dame and that is where things got funny."
Hellrung described Notre Dame as being more conservative then she had expected.
"I was going to wait a couple months and get used to life here and then I'd start by coming out to my roommates and then my section mates and that did not work," she said. "It took me about an hour to realize that that wasn't going to work. I had to be honest."
Honesty has been at the core of Hellrung's activism since then. The spring of Hellrung's freshman year saw an eruption of activism in response to controversy about the Spirit of Inclusion. A parade and protest for awareness was staged on the steps of the Main Building, where Hellrung's honesty activism made her the most recognized homosexual on campus.
"I am a lesbian at Notre Dame," Hellrung said in front of a crowd of 400.
"People were like — you're so brave to be doing this," Hellrung said before dismissing her stand on the steps as mere honesty. "There is a lot of activism that can be done that way, just by living your life honestly. Everyone can be activists through honesty."
Hellrung also addressed myths about homosexuality and lesbianism at Notre Dame and worldwide.
"First myth: Lesbians hate men," Hellrung said.
Other myths focused on the belief that gay people can't be Catholic, that homosexuals try to recruit straight people to "the other side of the fence" or that lesbians want to be men.
"Most of the lesbians I know love being women and love women," Hellrung said.
Hellrung also examined beliefs that coming out to a friend indicates desire and examined studies that claim gay people are miserable.
Hellrung's activism has helped quell the sense of taboo about the issue.
"I've seen things change here in the four years I've been here," she said, citing the emergence of support groups and information as well as education for resident assistants.
She has even seen a turnaround in her parents.
"The mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work unless it's open," Hellrung's mother said in support after her daughter's freshman year coming out.
Hellrung argued that change needs to continue.
"There are people on this campus who do not want me here, or do not want my gay friends here," she said, adding that she hoped her speech and activism would help pass the torch for change after her graduation.
"I'm all about making life more comfortable for me, my gay friends and the gay people coming after me," she said.
All News Stories for Thursday, March 30, 2000
