I'm a guy. I read Cosmopolitan magazine. And I have darn good reasons for it.

First of all, the women in it are more attractive than any models you'd find in Maxim or Stuff. Sure, the poses are more tasteful, which is a drawback, but the ads all have really hot women in them, whereas Maxim and Stuff ads only sometimes have attractive women in them.

Flipping through the magazine, I saw pictures of such pretty, young celebrities as Sandra Bullock, Cindy Crawford, Pamela Anderson and Halle Berry to name just a few.

The letters women right into Cosmo are freaking hilarious. The March 2001 issue has a quote in the letters section that reads, "I crave sex more than men do. Am I a nympho?" Obviously, I skip over the parts of the magazine about "women's troubles," because that's better left to women.

But the bottom line to why I read Cosmo, a magazine not meant for me, is because it's like getting 200 pages of intelligence from behind enemy lines. Cosmo is like talking to 100 girls about life and sex, except that the Cosmo editors boil it down and add all sorts of raunchy embellishments for everyone's enjoyment.

Guys spend way too much time wondering what girls are thinking. That time is wasted when Cosmo is available for only $3.50.

For instance, there is an article in this month's issue called "Mesmerize Him." It has tips about how to make guys really want girls, one of which is "Throw Him Off Course." As guys, nothing pisses us off more than finding ourselves stupidly in the middle of a female mind game that we had no idea we were walking into. Tips like this can keep us on "mind game alert" and generally make our lives easier.

And, more importantly, for those guys who have found themselves in the "Yeeeeeaaaaah, She's Pretty Mad About [Whatever]" zone, Cosmo offers descriptions of what actual good boyfriends did to cheer up their girlfriends. It cuts down on thinking time, which directly leads to an increase in beer drinking time.

What is the biggest problem facing male-dom today? That's right, gift buying. We mindlessly go to the mall and seemingly wait for divine inspiration, like God himself will shine a blinding light on the perfect gift. Cosmo lists what's hot with the ladies as far as clothes and accessories, which can dramatically decrease shopping time and stress, as well as directly decrease the time between your mouth and a cold one.

The tips for women in Cosmo can also work for guys. Like the section on how to give a good massage — that applies to everyone, not just the sassy female readers of Cosmo.

Sometimes it seems Cosmo's written by guys. Especially when there's a section in "Cosmo Living" called "Be a Bar Maiden." Wow. Like Cosmo read guys' mind.

So what's stopping you from purchasing Cosmo? You don't want to be seen in public buying it or get a weird look from the clerk when he/she rings it up. My solution is that you don't buy it. Lots of girls get, just steal it from one of them. You'd be surprised how easy it is.

I'm not saying to stop reading Maxim or Stuff. I say just add a third magazine to your bathroom repertoire. I think you'll find insights that would take lifetimes to pry out of women helpfully summarized with lots of pictures of hot models.

• Inside the mind of the enemy