Donley: Friends vital in helping with eating disorders
By ALLISON MAIMONA
News Writer
While it is normal to want to be attractive, it is not normal to let your appearance and your relationship with food control your life, said Rita Donley, assistant director of the University Counseling Center Tuesday.
Unfortunately, as members of a competitive environment at Notre Dame, many students struggle with eating problems.
Donley spoke Tuesday presented about the importance of helping friends who exhibit symptoms of eating disorders.
She stressed that before confronting an individual about his or her problem it is helpful to ensure that a behavior patter has developed over time, and is not a one-time, or short-term, problem.
Bringing up the subject of an eating disorder before a major event such as final exams or an important athletic event can be detrimental rather than helpful, according to Donley.
"Pick a good time to talk to the person," she said. "Speak in a confidential place, not in the middle of the dining hall or Rolfs."
The best way to approach the subject is to be prepared, she said.
"Have a list of specific past behaviors that caused your concern, and describe current behavior and conditions that continue to cause concern," Donley said. She warned that it is best to avoid blatant accusations such as "you're anorexic." Although direct confrontations can be harmful, stating concerns and fears and the reasons why the subject is being broached can help.
"Don't make assumptions, ask questions," she said. "Everyone's problem starts from a different place. Question how their behavior has affected them spiritually or their relationships. Also be open to the fact that there may be an alternative explanation for their behavior."
People are especially vulnerable to eating problems during transition periods in their lives. Breakups and divorces and other family problems frequently contribute, she said.
The purpose of talking to a person who shows symptoms of an eating disorder is, through the presentation of facts, for the person to hear what is being communicated. Hopefully the person will then accept enough reality to see the serious nature of the problem and receive enough support to accept his or her problem and the need for help, according to Donley.
"85 percent of the time the person will deny the facts or be very angry," she said. If a friend refuses to get help she recommends being friendly and open to the possibility that the person may want help in the future.
Donley warns against getting mad.
"Don't reinforce the negative behavior taking place," she said. "For example, if your friend exercises compulsively, don't go running with him/her."
While listening is one of the best ways to show that you care, Donley emphasized not to let someone else's problem become your own. In the end, the individual will have to make the decision to seek help.
All News Stories for Wednesday, March 22, 2000
