Authors Note: Grace Hall is home to fax machines and tie-wearing folk in this modern era, but in timeworn days of yore (1996), Grace was an actual dormitory housing actual male students wearing actual khakis. From The Observer's society pages of that halcyon age we bring you this snippet of that genteel gentlemen's domain — otherwise, look for it only in the memories of plaid-wearing, American Express Platinum Card-waving alumnus, for it is no more than a dream remembered, a civilization gone with the wind...

Friday last, Matt Harrigan, of 724 Grace Hall, hosted a delightful soiree featuring loud obnoxious music and large quantities of cheap beer. The singular Mr. Harrigan, whose hobbies, according to his dogbook entry, are "music and sports," co-hosted the event with his roommate, fellow freshman Mike Warmsby. Exclusively invited to the intimate gathering were a bunch of guys from Warmsby's 20th Century American Literature class and the entire north wing of Regina Hall.

Preparations for the evening began as early as 4 p.m. on he day of the soiree, when Harrigan took stock of his posh bachelor digs (enhanced this semester by a fresh coat of beige paint, liberally applied over the summer holiday by the renowned design firm University of Notre Dame Building Maintenance.) He took a daring redecorative plunge, concerned that the room did not present exactly the welcoming atmosphere he desired ("Oh, *&%#, it smells like %$@ in here, Warmsby!" were his precise words, this reporter has learned) An open, airy effect was achieved by removing the four sweatshirts, two pairs of cotton briefs, and 18 Papa John's boxes that formerly adorned the floor of 724 Grace Hall and cramming them into the nearest available closet. A 10-minute search was made of the immediate section for a can of air freshener; as their most resourceful comrades, Craig "Mad Dog" Swope and Tom "Epworth" Epworth were not receiving callers at the time, having repaired to a small gathering down the hall to partake of a rousing round of Rebel Assault II, the gallant hosts made a search of the corridor's janitorial supply pantry and saved the day with several refreshing squirts of Lemon-Fresh Pledge directed in the general vicinity of their closet.

A daring avant-garde decorative theme was chosen for the festivities. Harrigan and Warmsby installed black-light bulbs and a magenta lava lamp, purchased the previous afternoon at the University Park Mall branch of Spencer's Gifts. These additions lent an enchanting accent to the gentlemen's fine furnishings, a magnificent 1978-circa orange and brown nappy couch with several unidentified stains on the left arm, and a chi-chi minimalist table fashioned from an ironing board balanced across two plastic crates.

The first ladies to arrive were glamorously whisked from Regina Hall to Modern Quad via a splendidly orange Transpo shuttle bus. Among the early guests were Amy Townsend, fetching in a completely original Eddie Bauer mock turtleneck. Her roommate, Lisa Whittier, opted for an earthier look, which insisted of jeans and a t-shirt whimsically emblazoned, "THE ONLY 4.0 I EARNED AT NOTRE DAME WAS MY BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL." Accompanying them was a member of their biology lab group, Grace Hallows, no one remembers for certain what she was wearing, although Townsend feels certain that The Gap was somehow involved.

As the fire safety capacity of 724 Grace Hall was exceeded by approximately 97 people, the temperature hovered around a delightful 128 degrees Fahrenheit. An excellent vintage of Natural Light was served, along with a delicately mixed libation consisting of Watermelon Schnapps and lime green Jell-O.

"A shockingly bold taste, with a marvelous, plummy bouquet," evaluated a party-goer who gained entry to the sparkling assembly by assuring the student standing guard at the door that he kind of knows Mike from the Freshman O. "Beats the crap out of the Meister Brew the guys upstairs have."

"You can't even taste the alcohol! It's like I haven't been drinking at all!" loudly added Whittier, who then asked the five people nearest to her if they thought it was really hot in here, too.

The guests were serenaded by, among other notables, Dave Matthews and his band, Donna Summers, D.J. Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, and Dexy's Midnight Runners. Attempts to move about in time to the music with some semblance of rhythm was ventured for a time and enjoyed by all.

The evening was brought to a glorious denouement when everybody got out after the last Natural Lite disappeared and "Tubthumpin'" was played for the 54th time. Harrigan judged the gala an unmitigated smash.

"Next time, though," he said, "we'll have a strobe light."

Mary Beth Ellis (SMC `99) is an MFA candidate at Bennington College.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

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