While going to school here you should visit the neat places here on campus, and there are lots. The first is the big tree down by the lake that you can sit in. It used to be called Dead Dog Tree. This is because back in 1789, before the school was here, there used to be a farm here, called McWackentavern's Farm.

And McWacken-tavern's wife got really lonely during the days, so she got nine dogs to keep her company. A raccoon bit one of them, and soon all nine dogs got rabies. Then the farmers hung them from that tree to remind them of just how great dogs are.

Another neat place to go is out behind Carroll Hall. If you are there at the right time you can see helicopters land out on the helicopter pad. Ooooooo. If you've never seen a helicopter land you don't know what you're missing. It wouldn't hurt to bring some grapefruits and corn too and throw it at the propeller.

If you're feeling adventurous, you'll visit the underwater city in St. Mary's Lake. Not many people know about it. Back when Father Edward Sorin was here, there used to be this village of tiny people that lived back in the woods. They would come out at night dressed up like opossums and steal shoes. Well, Father Sorin could only take so much of that, so he dug a giant hole and filled it with the tiny people during the day, while they were sleeping. And then he filled the hole with water that he hosed in from Lake Michigan. The tiny people, known as "Hushkins," adapted to the water and started a fantastic fantasy play land and renamed themselves the "Wetkins." Check it out.

There are more fun activities by the lakes. At around 2 a.m. on any night when the moon isn't showing, and it's not raining, you can find a lot of geese on the dock at St. Joseph's Lake. If you find their leader, Sampson, you will be in for a pleasant surprise. You will know that you have found Sampson because he is the only goose that knows English. If you ask politely and if you bring a lot of rope, you are in for a wild ride. Each goose will put some of the rope in their mouths and fly you up, up, up into the night sky. Look out!

Also on St. Joseph's Lake you may run into the famous laughing duck. Late at night Ulysses gets out his inflatable chair and his inflatable TV holder and sits out on the lake watching episodes of "Seinfeld" that someone from Lewis gives him. He is quite a riot, but just listening to his funny laugh better be enough to satisfy you, because if he sees you watching him he will fly at you and bite your neck off.

One last thing, if you ever need to get your bike tires pumped up, there is a great place near Stepan fields to do it. There is an automatic pump. It looks like a miniature gas pump. You can also eat the air yourself. I am pretty sure it is super-purified air, and that you can raise your IQ if you eat enough. If you put the pressure on high enough, you can also see through walls.

For all those of you interested, the Notre Dame Sand Dollar club is going to meet starting after spring break. Have a great spring break, and remember even if you're not going some place fun or exotic, you're only a good book away from having the time of your life!

The views expressed in this column are that of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

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• Neat places to go on campus