"He's got a nice booty, a six pack, blond hair, blue-eyes. Oh! And he's tan from surfing." That is the ideal boy among the girls with whom I have grown up.

Yet my relatives tell me, "Don't marry an American (meaning Caucasian) because you'll only end up in divorce."

But there are very few Filipinos and minorities in Newbury Park, Calif. And when I gather with other Filipinos, I am considered "white washed" because of where I live and the way I dress and talk.

However, when I am around Caucasian boys, I feel unattractive because I look different. So basically, I am stuck.

Those are the feelings of the confused adolescent I used to be. At times I would wonder if I was not trying hard enough to suppress my Filipino heritage in order to seem more normal and, therefore, more attractive. At other times I would wonder if I was Filipino enough to be accepted by my "own kind."

Dating men of other races has helped me to clear up my confusion on interracial dating. I had always considered interracial dating a good thing because it seemed natural to me — my mother is half-Italian, half-Filipino and my siblings and cousins prefer to date Caucasians.

But only recently through my experiences have I developed a more in-depth opinion on this issue: While heritage adds to a person and his or her character, it does not make the person.

Race or ethnicity can add to a relationship, but it does not make the relationship. Rather, personality and character is what should draw two people together. Racial differences should not limit a person from discovering a beautiful and compatible companion.

While my family has tended to have a bias towards same-race dating, it has been accepting of interracial dating with Caucasians.

My aunt has been married to an Irish man for more than 20 years. Looking at their relationship, I find it encouraging because my aunt does not suppress her Filipino upbringing to be more compatible with her husband.

Rather, my uncle embraces the Filipino culture and attempts to learn as much as he can about his wife's heritage. My uncle, out of love, has stepped outside his "comfort zone" and in return my family has accepted him.

However, family can often add tension to an interracial relationship. I remember my relatives' reaction to my first boyfriend, who was Persian.

"Be careful, they don't treat women right."

"He might seem nice now, but just be careful."

Much of this ignorance came from the media, but it was difficult bringing him into the family. I became a threat to his family, too. His father would threaten to stop paying his college tuition if he continued to see me.

Apparently his father felt that "Filipinos are disgraceful Christians who mistreat Muslims."

I had never felt so enraged and so misunderstood. Rather than letting the anger get the better of me, though, I used it in a positive manner.

During that relationship, and during subsequent relationships, I shared Filipino customs, traditions and foods with those I dated. In the process, I learned more about who I am and became prouder of my heritage.

In return, it has been just as important to learn about my partners' heritage. Personally, I have always had an affinity towards cultural awareness and learning about new people and traditions.

Learning about a partner's heritage helps me to understand him better as a person. Moreover, my family and friends learn to be more understanding and accepting.

By advocating interracial relationships, I am also advocating cultural awareness. Yet as I stated earlier, heritage does not make a person; it adds to his or her character.

Geographic upbringing and the demographics of your environment also are strong influences on one's personality and interests. My sister considers herself more compatible with a Caucasian (blond hair, blue-eyed) man from the suburbs than she does with a Filipino who grew up in the city. When looking at my sister's relationship, I have observed that she is with her boyfriend not because of his race but because of their common interests — interests that have been influenced by their geographic upbringing.

"Love is colorblind."

I'm sure you've heard that before, but have you really thought about that statement? Sometimes I think we create boundaries and set limits on love. While love itself is colorblind, the love between two people can be colorful.

Sharing cultural differences and embracing diversity makes relationships richer. It can also add to the excitement of dating. However, it is easy to assume things about people based on their appearances.

Setting mental boundaries prevents me (or anyone) from a wonderful and even life-changing encounter. I find it more fulfilling getting to know people rather than avoiding race.

Jennifer Guintu is a student in the First Year of Studies. The Office of Multicultural Student Affairs column appears every other Wednesday.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

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