I've killed three people since Monday and I plan to continue my killing spree today.

Empowered with a leaky water gun, I've stalked my victims, learning about their daily movements so I can hide behind a corner and shoot them dead (or, in one case, enlisting a strong friend to remove the target from the dorm so I could shoot him).

Knott and Cavanaugh began a game of assassins on Monday. For those of you unfamiliar with the game, it is an opportunity for college students to act like third graders and squirt water guns at each other. Each person is given another person to kill and when he is successful, he must kill whomever the person he killed was to kill. This continues until you yourself are shot or you are the last alive, and win.

This game is played under the guise of improving gender relations. However, it just continues the practice you started freshman year when looking for an SYR date. Guys and girls sit pouring over the dogbook, hoping to find a person. If they are unsuccessful, they poll their friends until they come up with a successful plan. Basically, Notre Dame students are so successful at assassins because they know how to stalk members of the opposite sex, as that is the only way the know to meet someone who is not allowed in their dorm room past midnight.

When I and two of my closest gun-wielding buddies infiltrated the fortress (followed a girl into the `Naugh), we were laughed at by almost every girl that passed us in the stairwell. They all knew who we were and why we were there. One girl remarked that this was the most number of men in the hall at one time all year. At least the Cavanaugh rector has nothing to worry about.

The game has provided some humorous situations. One freshman was interrupted from studying by a call from Zahm Hall. The caller, in a most convincing voice convinced the student that he had a package that had been inadvertently sent to the same room in Zahm. Realizing he should have received a package from England, he went over to Zahm.

On his way, near the North Dining Hall, two giggling Chaos girls assassinated him. Their friend from Zahm must have taken the same acting lessons as the Seton Hall players, because the Knott guy was as easily convinced as the refs at that game were.

My advice to any would-be assassins is to catch your assaisee at one of two times to maximize the element of surprise. The best time is when they are drunk. A drunk assaisse is unsuspecting and an easy target. He can't run, and he can't hide. By the time he figures out what has happened, he's dead, as I learned last night.

Another successful tactic is to find your victim's first class and to hide in a corner. The unsuspecting person is barely awake and is not able to respond quickly enough to the threat. Both of these tactics have served me well and I'm planning just as a successful one for the next victim.

Watch out.

I've survived my first week of assassins without a single scare. So, to my assassin, whomever you are, come and get me. Have fun finding me without a picture, which is conveniently missing from today's column.

• Watch your back