Notre Dame won't get you a minimum wage job
Marlayna Soenneker
Here We Go Again ...
So far this semester, we've learned that I am a.) graduated, b.) applying to graduate schools, and c.) watching a lot of TV. Honestly, that pretty well covers the bulk of my days, but there's one more activity that has taken up my time: I've been looking for a job.
A Notre Dame degree will get you many things. It will get you membership in any Notre Dame alumni group you choose. It will get you the right to wander campus for years to come, pointing at buildings and telling your guests, "That wasn't there when I was here" or inaccurately identifying Coleman-Morse as the bookstore.
A Notre Dame degree will even get you a lifetime supply of letters offering the opportunity to donate money to Notre Dame, in case you didn't feel that the $120,000 you "donated" while you were here was sufficient.
Yes, a Notre Dame degree is a powerful thing and it can get you nearly anything you want. Yet there is at least one thing that a Notre Dame degree won't get you. A Notre Dame diploma will not, apparently, get you a minimum wage job.
I know. I tried. What I eventually landed was an actual professional job, with the title of Targeted Case Manager Designee. In fact, this is a job that my Notre Dame degree as a psychology major qualifies me for, which means that my theory that there are only two ways to go with a psych major, business or homeless, may be flawed.
However, I applied for between five and ten near-minimum-wage jobs during my job search, and I have not heard back from one. At least two of the places I applied to were actively hiring people, yet have not contacted me.
Perhaps they were worried I would frighten customers off by spouting theology at them. Maybe they feared that I would tailgate before work and come in drunk every Saturday morning. Or perhaps that were concerned that all my years of hunching over a desk would leave me unable to stand for eight hour shifts.
I don't know why they haven't responded in the month since I applied, but I do know that it's a little sad when you are a college graduate of one of the top twenty schools in America and you can't get a minimum wage job.
At least I'm not alone. I know about 1,000 other seniors who are looking for gainful employment after May 18, when Notre Dame will brutally kick them out of their dorm room homes and leave them to fend for themselves.
Notre Dame likes to think of itself as a family. "Welcome to the family," you are told a dozen or more times the first few days of your freshman year. Eventually you wonder if you've entered college or joined a cult. Notre Dame says it is a family, but I'm not so sure.
After my high school graduation, my parents gave me a computer and continued to let me live in their houses. Notre Dame, on the other hand, will give us each a piece of dead sheep with our names written on it and an eviction notice effective immediately. What kind of loving family does such a thing?
Were Notre Dame really a family, it would allow us to continue living in the dorms as long as we needed, until we found a real direction in life and were able to afford our own place. If that took until our late 20s, a real family Notre Dame would just sigh, exasperated, and take it out on us with the occasional lecture on playing video games instead of looking for a job.
If Notre Dame was really a family, it would use all its connections to find us jobs. Notre Dame has amazing connections, and I'm certain that if the administration put their minds to it, every senior at Notre Dame could have some sort of job that they weren't qualified for and didn't want by graduation. That's what a real family would do.
But Notre Dame is not really a family. Or rather, Notre Dame is a family so long as you pay them. But come graduation day, it's out on your keister with no home, no job and a piece of dead sheep. At least they have the decency to let us know ahead of time, so seniors can look for jobs.
So here's my tip for the seniors: Give up on minimum wage jobs. Despite our four years at Notre Dame at $30,000 a pop, despite our immense knowledge of arts, fine and liberal, and several sciences, despite our capacity to out drink every college in the nation and still make Dean's List, we are not qualified to work for $5.15 an hour. It's a hard world out there, kids. I'm just trying to warn you.
Marlayna graduated from Notre Dame in January, but is continuing to live in the South Bend area until May graduation. She can be reached at msoennek@nd.edu.
The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.
All Viewpoint Stories for Thursday, February 13, 2003
