Dating at ND. Dating is a good idea. Because guys and girls live are in separate buildings it is extra important that you date, otherwise it gets scarier and scarier to take a shower. I like to visit the girl's dorms. Since all the girls are in one spot they aren't afraid to let it all hang out and sometimes you can see some interesting stuff. I was in PW a few days ago and saw a girl zipping up her fly while walking down the hall.

I want to take a time-out here and ask all ND students and faculty to make sure they flush the toilet after they do the poo. If you don't flush, and you don't do it because you think your poop looks neat and you want other people to see it, I can promise you that we don't. If you really are amazed at the treasures that come out of you, then bring a plastic bag or a bowl, and some rubber gloves and bring it home with you. In the meantime for all of us clean people, keep pooping on the end toilet.

There are nicer places to live than South Bend, but we can make it seem better by flushing. Maybe someday they will get a town sign that says "South Bend: The town that flushes."

As for dating, there are many things to do, you just have to be a creative mastermind to find them. Going out to eat is popular on Wednesdays. And it doesn't take long to figure out what bar to go to on every night. There are always the movies. Anything can really be a date. People should just be lighthearted and accept that massage from a stranger. Or sit by that lonely person at lunch. That's a date. Invite some opposite sexers over for an episode of "The Simpsons." Climb some trees, go to the Snite, jump off the diving board at Rolf's. Go date, it's the best time in your life to meet all sorts of people. Then when you get to know them better ask them if they flush the toilet. And if they don't, tell them you never want to see them again.

• Get free stuff with 21st Century Digital Boy
  
• He said
  
• She said
  
• Saint Mary's: It's one heck of a happenin' community