A boy's world

I wish I had half the imagination that my littlest brother Timmy (who just turned eight) has. If I did, I'd be lying on a beach in the Caribbean right now with Tom Cruise next to me and a margarita in my hand.

Monday night, I started to tell Timmy about my trip to D.C. for the Notre Dame-Georgetown basketball game and about visiting our sister, who goes to George Washington. But I figured out pretty quickly that Timmy had much more interesting news.

Timmy, by far the most entertaining, unpredictable kid of the five in our family, interrupted me to say, "Did you know I'm probably faster than anybody in sports history?"

I have no idea how that popped into his mind, but I went along with the idea. I asked Timmy how he knew he was so fast, and he said, "I just know."

Duh, Kathleen. Why even ask such a silly question?

He then added, "I'm even faster than John Elway."

I'm not sure what makes the Broncos quarterback the speediest guy ever, but if Timmy says so, it must be true.

"Wow, Timmy! If you're so fast, you'll probably win gold medals in track in the Olympics," I told him.

"Probably like 2,500 medals, or maybe 25,000," Timmy answered.

At least he's not short on confidence.

"So what else is going on, Timmy?"

"I watched the Super Bowl this weekend," Timmy said. "I wanted the Giants to win, but I pretty much knew they weren't going to. I mean, once one team scores like 30 points and the other team only has like seven, I just stopped watching, because you pretty much know what's going to happen."

Knowing how much Timmy likes *NSYNC, I asked if he had seen them perform in the halftime show. I found out he was more interested in another entertainer.

"Yeah, and I also watched Britney Spears, my girlfriend," Timmy said.

Geez, I knew Britney was popular, but I always thought second grade boys were in the "girls are icky" stage. My brothers (8, 10 and 12 years old) informed me that Britney Spears and relatives are the only girls excluded from that rule.

"She even slept over on my top bunk one time," Timmy said.

I guess he hasn't quite hit the Maxim stage, although he did tell me that the pop star was wearing shiny pants and a little shirt that showed her belly button.

Timmy's old enough to know he's got competition for Britney's affections, as he followed up by saying, "Brendan (our 10-year-old brother) and Michael (Brendan's friend) are trying to steal my girlfriend, so I have to wrestle them for her."

Glad to know even 8-year-old boys settle their differences through wrestling matches and video games.

But Timmy dropped back to earth when I asked what Britney thought about their fight over her. He said, "She doesn't know. She doesn't even know I exist."

I almost felt sorry for him, but not too sorry. After all, I still haven't gotten that phone call from Ricky Martin, and I'm 21.

• A boy's world