Don't judge the way others live
Letter to the Editor
I would like to respond to Elizabeth Bauer and Katherine Hoppe's letter on the Jan. 27 on the issue of pre-marital sex.
Now, I am well aware that I am at a Catholic institution — excuse me, a very Catholic institution — and such evil transgressions against the Church, like that of having sex before marriage, is indeed an issue of grave consequence. However, I was even more confounded after reading the opinions of two female freshmen, who, in the true spirit of the Catholic Church, condemned all sex before marriage and even had the audacity to question a fellow freshman, who gave a differing view on the matter, if he "really belonged here."
What I find most disturbing is not the opinions held on this matter, but the self-assuredness and unflinching righteousness conveyed by Ms. Bauer and Ms. Hoppe in their commentaries. I find their opinions only slightly less disturbing.
To Ms. Bauer, I say that you are entitled to your opinion, and by all means, live the life you envision living. But do not judge others because they wish to live differently. Not everyone came to Notre Dame to "continue to grow in faith." You obviously have strong beliefs that tie sex and marriage together, but not everyone, even here at Notre Dame, shares those beliefs with you. So please do not condemn Jeff Eyerman for simply expressing his side of the issue. After all, I myself don't know many people who actually consider that "our bodies are not ours to give or take." I honestly believed that mode of thinking vanished with the Puritans. And most importantly, you say that here at Notre Dame, "we are many things and have many identities." So I ask only for you to let those with different identities and beliefs share them in a friendly environment. Asking them whether or not they belong here is rather elitist and not very Christian at all.
As for Ms. Hoppe, I would give the same advice. You also make many assumptions and prejudgments in your article that I do not agree with. For example, you posit that the only reason people may not believe that sex is sacred is because they haven't thought it through. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but a lot of people have thought that very question through and have reached a different conclusion. Also, you quote the Bible quite neatly and efficiently, but living simply by doctrines and dogmas eliminates free thought, which is where true progress is made in society.
You say those who have sex before marriage have sinned against God. But I believe that that is for God to decide, and unless you are speaking for Him, I do not think it is your place to judge others.
Lastly, you make two very interesting, coming from your perspective, claims. You say that "without the commitment of marriage, sex will leave you totally exposed and emotionally deserted, no matter how much `love' you have." But I ask you, how in the world do you know this? Did you read it in a book? Because without actually having had sex, I don't see how you can pass judgments on how it will affect a person. And likewise, you follow that quote with another similar to it, saying how warm and comforting sex within marriage is. Again, I do not understand how you can make such unqualified and speculative statements with no experience to back them up.
I am not trying to undermine either of your personal opinions. I'm just trying to point out that not everybody shares these opinions with you, and that does not make them bad people. Perhaps what this University really needs is to move away from conservative and judgmental doctrines and practice the art of understanding and acceptance a little more.
Patrick Kelly
Sophomore
Keenan Hall
January 27, 2000
All Viewpoint Stories for Friday, January 28, 2000
