What can you do in less than six minutes? Shower? Walk to class? How about beating Super Mario Bros. for your NES? Impossible you say? Just stop by Keough Hall's Section 2B and tell Chuck, Bill and myself that. It is here that 5 minutes and 25 seconds stands as the current Mario record.

Students of Notre Dame, I have a new challenge for you. Dust off your old Nintendos and enter the world of Mario timings, where you need quick wits, faster reflexes and dry palms. It is a world where records and Nintendo controllers are shattered. It is a world where there is only one speed, as fast as possible.

For those amateurs looking for a shot at the big-time, here are the rules. The clock starts when Mario first appears in Level 1-1 and only stops when the final ax behind Bowser in 8-4 is touched. What happens in-between is up to you. You can use any path or any warp, with the exception of Game Genie.

Although any path is legal, for the masters only one true path exists. This path separates the novice from the elite. The one true path, or "Doctrine" as we say, is a precise series of jumps, warps and power-ups developed from experience. In this way we have been able to shave the record down from a snail's pace of 15 minutes to the current record of 5:25.2, held at the time of printing by myself.

The challenge began last year when Chuck brought his NES back from winter break. He and Bill were both able to quickly beat the game and challenged the other to see who could beat the game faster. Eventually, the timings began and the legend grew. Chuck's ability to keep his cool and deliver in the clutch became a good match for Bill's erratic but fearless style. I entered the mix as a novice and through their tutelage have become a master, as I currently own the record.

At this competitive level of play, any mistake can be game-breaking. Since each timing is relatively quick, getting up to reset the NES can become tedious and time-consuming. To alleviate the problem, Chuck invented "The Stick," a three-sided engineer's ruler duct taped to a three-foot long wooden pole. Using The Stick, one can easily reset not only the NES, but the Super NES, Nintendo 64, GameCube, Playstation 2, VCR, DVD Players and TV, as well as fetch remotes along the floor.

There it is Notre Dame, the gauntlet has been thrown. At the very worst, you have a new study break during these monotonous early days of the semester. At the very best, you can achieve video game greatness.

• Start the clock