A surrogate is carrying our child, and the experience has involved
more than we ever expected.
We decided to have a child in this way after my wife, Samantha,
suffered through major pregnancy problems. Our first child passed
away at birth at 26-weeks gestation, and my wife almost lost her
life due to toxemia of pregnancy. After much consideration and
consultation with other physicians, we decided to have another
child. The doctors followed this pregnancy closely, but my wife
again developed pre-eclampsia. Our daughter, Tara, is now 4 years
old, but she still cannot walk or talk, possibly due to pregnancy
complications. We always wanted several children, but we knew
that my wife should not carry another child.
After considering many options, we decided to look into surrogacy,
where another woman would carry our child. We found an attorney
who specialized in surrogacy, and we interviewed several women
who had expressed interest in becoming a surrogate. When we met
the woman whom we later selected, we were impressed by her excitement
over the prospect of helping us. She had carried several pregnancies
to term with no complications.
Our priest had some concerns about conception taking place outside
the womb, but he gave us his blessings as long as we agreed to
give each embryo the best chance of life. The fertility procedure
involved many injections for both my wife and the surrogate, and
general anesthesia to retrieve the eggs from my wife. After a
long month of preparation, two fertilized eggs were transferred
into the surrogate.
Shortly thereafter, we were pregnant. We were thrilled! The
first ultrasound several weeks later showed that both embryos
had initially implanted in the uterus, but one had not survived.
When it had pulled away, it left blood above the remaining embryo,
which had attached very low and to the left. This blood in the
uterus threatened the ongoing pregnancy.
Although we were worried about these complications, our journey
reached an all-time low at 10-weeks gestation when the surrogate
e-mailed us, saying the pregnancy was interfering with her lifestyle.
She wanted to terminate the pregnancy. My wife and I were horrified.
Samantha could not stop crying. We had just watched the video
of our baby swimming around in the womb. Even the surrogate had
heard the baby's heartbeat. How could this woman kill our child?
We called our attorney, hoping to get some sort of restraining
order, but were told nothing could be done to stop her. The surrogacy
statute in our state, and in most states, gives the surrogate
the final decision on medical issues that involve her body. We
believe the legislature did this to protect the unborn child --
perhaps thinking that the biological parents might want to compel
a surrogate to have an abortion after finding a genetic defect
of some sort.
We called pro-life agencies seeking advice, and we begged and
pleaded with the surrogate. We even tried to get her to see a
counselor. Nothing helped. We called our priest and had everyone
praying that God would wrap his arms around this child and protect
it. After a few weeks, the surrogate stopped returning our calls.
Her husband answered the phone one day and said his wife had been
sleeping ever since her doctor's appointment earlier in the day.
We had always gone to appointments together, and we knew nothing
about this one. Our greatest fears were confirmed when we received
an apology letter from the surrogate, along with copies of her
consent forms from the abortion clinic.
We were devastated. Our priest suggested that we name the child
and possibly have a memorial service. We had buried our first
child, Rachael, six years earlier, and we decided this child deserved
the same dignity. In tears, we called the abortion clinic to obtain
our child's remains. The manager rudely informed us that even
a surrogate had the right to an abortion and that only the surrogate
could make such a request. Through our attorney, the surrogate
agreed to cooperate, even though she thought our request was "weird."
To our surprise, the surrogate called us later that day. We
took her call only in hopes of burying our child. The surrogate
informed us that she had returned to the abortion clinic for a
follow-up appointment. The clinic called her back telling her
she needed either to repeat the procedure or to see an obstetrician.
The follow-up scan revealed that the abortionist had missed all
or part of the pregnancy. The surrogate agreed to go to another
doctor. My wife drove her to the obstetrician's office the next
day. Upon viewing the ultrasound, the doctor exclaimed, "They
missed!" Thinking he was vacuuming out the baby, the abortionist
had suctioned out the blood that had initially threatened the
pregnancy. Against all odds, our baby survived. God had protected
our child, a modern-day miracle.
After the abortion procedure, the surrogate had nightmares of
the baby crying, then her car engine blew out, her husband was
bitten by a spider and her daughter suffered a serious infection.
The surrogate said that God must really want her to have this
child. The remainder of the pregnancy has presented other challenges,
but, miraculously, our daughter will be born next week. My wife,
myself and even the surrogate are ecstatic. All of our lives have
been changed forever. Now we have to change some laws.
* * *
Michael Pirkowski is a radiation oncologist at the Florida Hospital
Cancer Institute in Orlando. He and his wife, Samantha, named
their miracle baby Amanda.
