Editor's
note: The following letters were received through the magazine's
React Online form and from those written or emailed to the magazine.
My reaction to your "homosexuality package"
is overwhelmingly favorable. Here are a few comments that I delivered
to an 50th anniversary alumni reunion shortly before your package
appeared. These comments continue to reflect my views today.
* * *
The Catholic Church: How Can We Make It Just, Inclusive, and
Accountable?
I approach this morning's topic as a gay man. I have been gay
since I was a child. I was gay when I graduated from Notre Dame,
50 years ago this month. I am still a gay man.
Being gay is not a choice. It is like being left-handed. If you
are a lefty, you can do your best to write with your right hand.
But no amount of effort will make you a right-handed person.
The Vatican tells me that I am "intrinsically disordered" and
that I possess a "strong tendency ordered toward an intrinsic
moral evil."
I find it impossible to think of myself in this way. I am as
I came from the hand of God. I was not intrinsically disordered
or immoral when I was student body president here at Notre Dame
50 years ago. Nor was I disordered or immoral when I pursued studies
at Oxford and Harvard, worked as a government policymaker, served
32 years in the military, helped raise two fine children, and
founded a nonprofit organization that continues to benefit the
nation and the world.
More important, I find the Vatican's message to be inconsistent
with the central themes of the gospels. Christ's words and a careful
reading of Biblical texts, not misguided official statements,
should be our guide.
Absent change, the Church's current views on gay and lesbian
issues will continue to alienate a significant percentage of each
generation of young Catholics, including many capable and idealistic
individuals. Ending this loss will require a willingness to study
the facts, the humility to change one's views, and Christ-like
compassion.
Thomas F. Field '54
Arlington, Virginia
I graduated from ND in 1986. Since that time
I have felt virtually invisible as an alumna until this summer's
issue of Notre Dame Magazine. Thank you for publishing an issue
that talks about my experience with life at Notre Dame and my
experience as a lesbian alumna. I have always enjoyed the high
quality content of your magazine, which is the only contact from
Notre Dame that has continued to resonate with me. Once again,
you are leading the way in presenting clear compelling journalism
that unfolds another layer of the mystery of life to be contemplated
by those of us who grew up in the shadow of the Dome.
Barbara Grant '86
Well, the story about "what the church has to say" by
John Monczunski doesn't have it quite right. The church does not
condemn as illicit the sexual activity of married people who are
unable to have children. So much for that argument. The bottom
line is the church has it wrong -- as they have had any number
of things wrong in the past: ask Galileo or Luther or money lenders
in general. Get it right, guys, the clock is ticking.
William Dell '69
I found the articles to be slanted toward one side
of the issue and most assuredly against the teachings of the Church.
To be more complete, you should have included an article on Exodus
International, a Christian organization that proclaims freedom
from homosexuality -- definitely not politically correct but successful
nonetheless. You hear nothing of that angle in the liberal media
today, which Notre Dame Magazine continues to aspire to be a part
of.
Ed Knauf '81
Rochester, New York
Terrific! Finally, a set of insightful and personal articles
on a topic that typically is swept under the rug at ND. For the
thousands of us alums who are gay, the magazine speaks to us on
our terms. In the past, the magazine often had heterosexuals writing
about gay issues as if these were arbitrary choices; now our voices
can be heard. No matter what other alumni will inevitably write,
our only choice in life was either to be true to ourselves or
to suppress our orientation. We did not choose to be gay, we chose
to be who we are -- and are all the healthy and happy for making
that decision. Witness the many who have suppressed their sexual
orientation or tried to hide it in marriages that didn't work.
Bravo to ND Magazine for opening up the discussion at long last.
Peter Nardi '69
Los Angeles
I personally am shocked and somewhat offended
by the content of the current magazine. If you people want a forum
for multiple articles on homosexuality, write your own compilation
and publish it independently. I've generally looked forward to
reading your work, but this edition bothers me. Please omit my
name from your mailing list. I no longer want to receive the magazine.
Peter J. Davin
Thank you. I think this was an excellent grouping
of articles. The interview with ML Gude very much sums up the
conflict of issues involved.
John Monczunski's summary article is a clear and inclusive essay
on the teaching of the Church. What he does not relate to is that
this teaching has been developing by fits and starts since 1957.
Generally the teaching has been opening up to the complexity caused
by people being aware of orientation as separable from "acts."
I find it somewhat interesting that this piece was done by an
editor and not by one of the numerous theologians who might be
thought the be available. But it is a pretty hot topic to ask
a theologian to write about without danger to his position. Sad!
The other thing that struck me is that the personal articles
all have to do with experience and the search for a person with
whom one is called, before thought and decision, to enter into
deep interpersonal relationship. Even Belgau, who presumably has
something more to say about celibacy than it satisfies his conflicts,
spend much of his essay telling readers about the importance of
friendship in his life. Nelson talks about the importance of always
loving his son and thereby being open to his needs and experience.
Lindgren and Davis both write about the search for relationship.
Perhaps a new theology of sexuality and marriage might start from
the words of God in Genesis, "It is not good for the human to
be alone" and look at how the experience of fulfilling that idea
has found fulfillment in a world of cultures and ideals. Thank
you for this contribution to understanding the dilemma (as ML
Gude talks about it) and giving some indication that really morally
good people face this "can of worms" and let it wriggle itself
out into decisions that lead to peace of heart and soul. Maybe
even to the glory of God!
Milt Adamson, CSC, '62
Phoenix, Arizona
I am grateful to Mr. Nelson for his thoughtful, insightful
and poignant essay. As a straight male with several gay friends
and acquaintances, I can not understand for the life of me why
so many feel threatened by people whose sexual orientation is
different. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people share
the hopes and fears of every person--the hope to love, the fear
of loss, the joy of sharing life with another person, the pain
caused by death. They have parents, brothers, sisters, and even
children.
Our world will be much better off when we all agree that bigotry
in any form and against any person is unacceptable and should
be eliminated-not with a club, but with love and respect, as God
has commanded us to do.
William Wilson '88
South Bend, Indiana
So, there's people at ND that are attracted to the same
(or both) genders. OK, this is new? Why is ND Mag even covering
this? Will there be upcoming issues on folks who prefer the missionary
position, etc.? After all it's just sexual preference, right?
One thing's for certain: We're all sinners. It seems that Christ's
message is to hate the sin but love the sinner. Whether we cheat
on tests or tax returns, tell lies, engage in pre- and extra-marital
sex, homosexual behavior, etc. we're committing sin. We do our
best (relying upon the grace of God) to grow beyond them. Whether
one is professed to celibacy, single or married the opportunities
for misbehaving are extraordinarily many these days. But, I don't
hear the Gospels, the Holy Father, etc telling us.."Well, if you
are BORN that way it's really okay though."
God gave us not only free-will to make choices but also an intellect
that enables us to rise above animal behavior. To say we cannot
is to deny ourselves as God's creations. How long is even the
hardest, loneliest life on this Earth compared to the eternity
of one's soul? We accept the hand we're dealt and we do our best
to glorify God in this life be it easy or difficult.
The "Gay? Fine by me" T-shirt thing would have been better not
using the color orange. It's odd that a Notre Dame based group
- fighting oppression, etc. -- would choose a color so many in
the Notre Dame family see as brutally oppressive to our Irishness
and our faith!
Tim McKeogh '80, '81 MCA
Chagrin Falls, Ohio
FINALLY! A voice for our gay brothers and sisters.
I am so pleased that ND Magazine took this step in its summer
issue. Those of us with gay friends and family members have long
been troubled by the lack of voice for this group -- countless
numbers of whom are loyal sons and daughters of the University
who have for too long been denied a voice. My prayers will continue
in the hope that the University will move to take the final step
toward complete recognition and support of gay and lesbian campus
organizations. Other Catholic institutions have done so; it is
past time for Notre Dame. If we are to follow Christ's command
to "love one another," we can do no less.
Joan Cichalski
(spouse of one alum and parent of two more)
Little Silver, New Jersey
This is a courageous and much-needed contribution
to the discussion over the role of the gay and lesbian members
of the Notre Dame family. My four years at Notre Dame were made
immensely painful as the institution I deeply loved consistently
taught that I was sinful, so sinful that "my kind" were not even
permitted to meet publicly on campus. After so many years of receiving
destructive and toxic messages about gay and lesbian people, this
issue of Notre Dame magazine arrives as rain on parched ground.
May it lead to conditions where greater respect and integrity
can flourish on our beloved campus, in our families, and in the
wider world. Thank you!
Joe Mitzel '87
Minneapolis
The magazine is a perfect reflection of what the school
has become: A secular caricature of its former self and a disgrace
to its namesake. If I wanted to go to an Ivy League school, I
would have gone to an Ivy League school.
Assuming it's even possible, cancel my subscription.
Daniel P. Duffy '87
Congratulations! The recent issue of Notre
Dame Magazine raised the matter of gay and lesbian life at
ND that has long needed to be addressed. This of course is only
the beginning of the discussion, but it is a start. For that,
again, thanks.
Richard Giannone'64 Ph.D.
I met a wonderful 70-year-old ND alumnus on
his way to a reunion weekend. He told me how he was going to get
to see a dear friend. I asked him what made for a dear friend?
He said this man was a survivor of a most terrible WWII ordeal.
Thus his friend was his lifelong role model for survivorship.
As a dear friend they attended the weddings of each other's children,
made contact on holidays, attended funerals. I said that was a
good friend, but I still wondered what made him a dear friend?
He said he loved this man. He was attracted to him. Loved just
being in his company. I asked if he ever told this man that he
loved him. He said his friend just knew it.
As for survivorship, I think that if we are going to survive
as a species we, especially as men, will have to pay attention
to whom we are attracted, and assume nothing. As men we are going
to have to learn to express our genuine appreciation for each
other and deal with the accountability that accompanies love.
I think homophobia is polite fiction for our cowardice and total
failure as men to learn a variety of ways to express deep love
for each other, and figure out how to get that done without having
to get drunk or beat the other guy in golf, before we have the
courage to express a genuine friendly attraction and in some cases
even love.
We use homophobia as this socially acceptable barrier to excuse
ourselves from accepting the responsibility of expressing the
affection between men that I feel the apostles might have had.
We have taken our infatuation with individuality to a lonely,
unhealthy, warring extreme. Showing men they are our dear friends
should not fall in the category of missed opportunities recognized
on our death beds. Unless we admit there are healthy same-sex
attractions, and find our place on that spectrum, we could end
up just self-destructing as a species.
I think homosexual men have something to teach us. I think Christ
very likely had an intimate relationship with Saint John, the
beloved apostle, and Mary Magdala. We should admit our deep caring
for each other and develop healthy social skills and stamina of
character to explore same- sex attraction. As straight men we
are inept. If I was walking on the road to Emmaus I imagine my
first attraction to Christ would be a deep intimate feeling. Would
I allow myself to see or be too homophobic?
Roger G Klauer, MD, '75
Granger, Indiana
I commend the editors of Notre Dame Magazine
for an excellent and balanced set of articles on the issue of
homosexuality. It is an issue I often take up on my blog, www.dailycontentions.com
... for instance, I have a recent post on the politics surrounding
the FMA. Believe it or not, a Catholic Republican can oppose the
FMA and support gay marriage on both moral and political grounds.
Lucas D. Sayre '04
Indianapolis, Indiana
After reading page after page of aberrant behavior
I cannot describe my relief when finally getting to Mary Sue Twohy.
Ryan and Luke have been unduly burdened with the enigma of unknown
real parents and now unique family values.
What provoked this gay-lesbian tome? Does sexual behavior of
a few deserve all this attention? As a student I had gay friends.
We attended gay bars. Since we were all okay with our own sexuality,
it was never an issue.
As a military man I observed what the Navy called "overt homosexuality."
We luckily had one man honorably discharged. A second man wasn't
so lucky. He was lost as sea.
This Catholic University should not revise its present policy
re gay issues.
It would be interesting to include a film of San Francisco's
Gay Pride Parade along with that Rockne gem at that freshmen orientation.
Vic Tallarida '52
San Diego, California
The reverse discrimination argument against parietals
is one we never thought of as undergraduates, but then in those
days this was the one subject you couldn't bring up. Lord have
mercy.
Dave Khorey '81
Congratulations! Finally articles about an important
topic ignored for too many years. As a gay alumnus of
ND, I have written in the past to the University itself and this
magazine commenting on the poor way that the University has dealt
with gay and lesbian issues in the past. I experienced several
difficulties myself while at ND - including my mentor in 1969
writing to medical schools saying that I should not accepted since
I was gay. (Luckily, all the schools ignored that letter, and
I enjoyed my experience at Harvard Medical School). As the author
of the major textbook on homosexuality and mental health (Cabaj
RP, Stein TS (eds): The Textbook of Homosexuality and Mental Health,
American Psychiatric Press, 1996), I am especially appreciative
of the series of articles since it will hopefully provide comfort
of the many gay and lesbian students currently at ND, the alumni,
and the parents of gay and lesbian students and alumni. Great
work, long overdue!
Robert Cabaj '70
San Francisco
Thank you for your coverage of "The love that dare not
speak it's name." I was moved by all the articles, even
the one concerning celibacy. Some people are truly presented with
that charism. Others, like myself, have found that we have come
to know a more loving, compassionate God, by knowing God through
knowing another intimately, through thick and thin, even until
death. In the aftermath, we have learned something more about
the eternal, transcendent nature of love and God's continuing
presence.
You have done a great service to the Notre Dame family by raising
these complex issues in such a sensitive, thoughtful and caring
manner. Even more importantly, you have included a segment of
the Notre Dame family at the table, that has not been heard from
before, her gay, lesbian bisexual and transgender alumni/ae.
Formed 12 years ago and with more than 850 members nationally
and internationally, we cordially invite all alumni and friends
who wish to learn more about the Gay and Lesbian Alumni/ae Association
of Notre Dame University and Saint Mary's College to contact us
at our website:www.galand/smc.org
David E. Pais '72
Co-chair GALA ND/SMC
What a breath of fresh air to receive my Notre
Dame Magazine this joyous summer of 2004! I thoroughly enjoyed
the open discussion and points of view by the many educated men
and women of the Notre Dame family. Living in San Francisco (as
I am sure many of us Domers live in large cities), I know many
many gay people -- many Catholic gay people -- old, young, men,
women, single, and partnered-for-life. All are so wonderful, friendly,
generous, courageous and caring citizens. They are all a part
of the fabric of this country that makes our free society so colorful
and compassionate. I am so very thankful that finally Notre Dame
is coming out of the Ice Age and discussing what has been in the
closet much too long. We need to support each other, accept each
other, and love each other. There is no room for hate in my family.
Ignorance breeds hate, and this issue of the Notre Dame Magazine
goes a long way toward educating alumni on the issues facing gay
Notre Dame students and the nearly 1,000 alumni who have formed
an alumni support group for Notre Dame men and women who just
happen to love a little differently, but are loving children of
God nonetheless. I wholeheartedly support continued discussion
on topics related to social injustices (racism, sexism, homophobia
and poverty).
James V. Gatteau 3rd '89
San Francisco
Congratulations to Notre Dame Magazine for dealing
so honestly with homosexuality. The series of articles is informative,
lucid and quite valuable. At a time when gay people suffer so
much immoral discrimination, it is satisfying to see the magazine
take such a courageous and enlightened stand.
John Rockne Guinn '57
Grosse Pointe, Michigan
Congratulations on a timely coverage of the
tough problem of homosexuality. The article by Tom Nelson struck
home with me, except my first reaction to one of my son being
gay was concern for him, then my concern.
(Francis E.) Gene Moore '45
Attleboro, Massachusetts
Thank you so much for printing the article,
"God Gave Me a Gay Son." Homosexuality is not chosen, but a God
given blessing. Through my own son I have met the most loving,
beautiful people from the gay community. We all should practice
loving our neighbor and treating others the way we would wnat
to be treated. Why is Jesus Christ's words never used to show
the way gays are treated is bad? Jesus didn't say unless your
neighbor is gay or anything else. It wasn't that long ago when
another minority group was being maligned with Bible quotes!
So the ND Magazine editors consider these volatile issues!
I do not think so -- along with 90 percent of the population.
Who considers Catholic teaching volatile?
Kathryn L. Smith
Farmington Hills, Michigan
Excellent coverage of an issue that has long
been ignored on campus. The longer I am away from "the shadow
of the Dome," the more I wish for continued diversity, tolerance
and acceptance at my alma mater. It seems as though progress,
albeit slow, is being made. However, I wish for an acceleration
in the recognition of a university-approved student organization
to serve the needs of gay, lesbian and bisexual students. ND cannot
continue to "not recognize" a portion of its student body and
ignore its needs. Christ's teachings of tolerance, love for others,
and not judging others certainly apply here and should provide
strong guidance to Our Lady's University in formulating its approach.
I have two friends from ND who have come out of the closet since
graduation -- I only wish they had had the resources available
to assist them when they were challenged by the homophobic and
conformist dorm culture.
Todd Vician '92
Seattle, Washington
It was a great pleasure to read Tom Nelson's
article on his gay son Mark in your recent issue. His story is
a moving one which has similarities to the experiences of so many
other parents of gay children: the surety of "having all the right
answers" as well as the pain of discovering the need for a whole
new journey to find answers to the questions which arise when
your child says, "Mom, you know I'm gay, don't you?" Then I had
to do what Tom Nelson did and re-educate myself in the light of
this new knowledge in my life.
It is NOT easy, and it is SO rewarding. I, too, can say, "Thank
God for my gay son!"
Linda Karle
The church needs to become more accepting in
many areas. We must "open" ourselves to "true love" and acceptance.
We must STOP this schizophrenic existence that the Church portrays.
Yes, there ARE gay priests and yes there have been pedophile priests
but 98 percent of the pedophiles are heterosexual. A person should
not have to "ignore" God calling one to the priesthood or religious
life because they are gay. They DO have the responsibility to
fully acknowledge and live their vows though. This goes for all
religious who take vows. This speaks of a persons "character."Any
person who chooses to represent our Church, should be bound by
the ethics that have existed since the Church's inception (even-though
there have been many rough and tumultuous times in the past).
Priests should also be allowed to choose between the celibate
life or the life of a married priest. Until Gregory the XIII "requested"
then "required" that the clergy be celibate, the Chruch has maintained
that this is in representation of Christ. That is an outright
lie. The Church quit allowing priests to marry, due to the fact
that the Church could "seize" the young man's land-holdings and
thusly acquire more and more land. In the feudal times, land was
wealth, much like it is today.
This was NOT an "act" to represent Jesus' life, but an outright
"covering-up" of the church's greed and desire for TOTAL power!
Celibacy should be a choice and an active choice, but one should
NOT have to sacrifice love for another person because they want
and desire to serve God and the Church. When we study at the university
level, we just don't study ONE book and say that's the LAW, yet
we tend to do this with the Bible. Many have NO working knowledge
of the "truth" about the Bible, nor is the Crurch willing to share
their knowledge with the "lay-people" in dealing with this book.
Yes, some of it IS the voice of God and some of it is rubbish.
I feel that the statements about homosexuality fall into the rubbish
category. Why would Christ teach love, TOTAL Love and then turn
around and condemn a group of people. Something is NOT right in
that thinking. Personally, I do NOT believe that he ever taught
that homosexuality is or was wrong. How can love be wrong??? WE
NEED MORE OF IT not less. Remember the two most important precepts
that Jesus taught. They are both based on love of God and love
of man.
Phillip Shamas
Houston, Texas
I simply want to thank you for the package of
articles on homosexuality. These writers have conveyed very important
thoughts and feelings about their lives and the lives of so many
others. I am a friend of a student who had already told me how
she proudly wore the orange T-shirt described in one of the articles.
I was so proud of her at the time for being part of a community
that affirms rather than condemns children of God who reveal another
aspect of his loving presence in our world.
Patrick Delahanty
Louisville, Kentucky
(July 2004)
