Dodge ball, which everyone thought was kind of fun and games, turned out to be the one event or the one force that derailed an entire generation.
-- Art Jones, creator of short film Dodge Ball
The Gipp was innocently searching through his office mailbos the other day when he stumbled upon a rather startling piece of mail. In the Gipp's hands lay two items: a 3 x 5 close-up of a males' genitalia and a letter of complaint from a shocked and bewildered female Domer who was unlucky enough to have found the former item. Apparently, this woman was in 115 Crowley Hall and spotted the revealing photo on a bulletin board amongst many photos of the Glee Club. Further investigation relvealed that the "owner" of the male appendage is not a Glee Club member, although the person who proudly displayed the picture is. Funny, Glee Club memebers generally seem to be the kind of guys you'd want to introduce to your parents. You'd let them date your sister. You'd want them in public office. Maybe this explains why women have not spoken to the Gipp after he sent them Glee Club singing Valnetines. Then again, maybe that's why the Gipp's mom was so interested in seeing the Glee Club perform at JPW.
Well, Zarzaur and Mahan didn't win the election, so the topic of greens fees are still up in the air. That really doesn't matter much, though, because the future of the new golf course is also up in the air. One of the few definites in the whole situation is that golf pro Ben Crenshaw has been hired to design the new course. The rumor is that the new course will be built on the tailgating propery kitty-corner to Stepan Center. However, several problems exist, including the fact that the new course would run into the Oakdale Estate. The stately house on this property was donated to Notre Dame and now serves many uses, including a home-away-from-home for Fr. Beauchamp, who frequently spends the night there when he needs to get away from Alumni Hall. He also uses it to entertain groups of students living in Alumni for dinner from time to time. Having a posh house at one's disposal is very appealing, but, as you may or may not know, Fr. Beauchamp is quite an avid golfer. St. Peter had no idea of the pickles his priests would find themselves in: "Should I play one of the most elitist sports in existence? No, I think I'll spend the night in a beautiful house." Gotta' love the oath of poverty.
The Gipp is pretty sure most of you remember that the Chicago Bears almost moved to Gary, Ind., a few weeks ago. The deal fell through and the Bears remain in Chicago, due largely in part to a threat made by Mayor Richard Daley. He allegedly told Mike McCaskey, the owner of the Bears, that if he signed an agreement to move the franchise out of Chicago any time in the near future, he would kick the Bears out of Soldier Stadium immediately, thus leaving the Bears with no place to play until a new stadium was bult. Ah, politics.
Many of you may be wondering what this has to do with Notre Dame. Well, apparently an influential memeber of Notre Dame's Board of Trustees also sits on the board of directors for the Chicago Bears. Rumor has it that this person offered McCaskey full use of the up-and-coming 80,000 seat stadium here at Notre Dame. (Sundays only, of course.) Whether you are a fan of the Bears or not, that would be one heck of a tailgating weekend. Of course, we students wouldn't know, would we? Luckily for us, it wouldn't be much of an adjustment to see spoiled, overpaid players who haven't graduated from college bounding around the field while the students do shots in the stands.
As much as the Gipp likes to make a mockery of campus, he will be the first to admit that JPW was probably the most memorable event for many Notre Dame parents. Sure, the alcohol is watered down and there are some intolerable speeches to suffer through in between Monk's and Lou's, but for the most part, JPW is generally agreed to be an enjoyable event. A person in Tuesday's Observer diagreed, however, calling the whole weekend propoganda which "masks real identity of ND life." The Gipp would love to respect the author's opinion, but he can't for the mere fact that the author, Miguel Sanchez, doesn't exist. The author wrote on and on, critisizing Notre Dame for hiding behind false propoganda and "shallow, pop-psychology-go-get-them" speeches, yet he decided to use a false name. The Gipp things he'll quote this disgrunteled student to express his own thoughts: "The hypocricy of the entire event is disgusting." Now, the Gipp loves to see students experimenting with the joys of anonymity, but Mr. Sanchez should realize that not revealing oneself is cowardly and immature. Unless, of course, you have a weekly comlumn in a well-respected magazine.
So that's it for now, kids. And remember during the coming week to support all those failed presidential candidates who are now running on the same platforms for class officers and quad senators. Hell, if the Gipp had a bunch of leftover posters and some time on his hands, he'd do the same thing.