Pssst... What's the answer to number fifteen?--Notre Dame finance major
The Gipp must address an issue that is becoming quite a topic of choice for off-campus people--off-campus parking. Stadium construction has forced off-campus undergraduates to park out in the Siberian lots next to the JACC. Unfortunately, they must then play the dangerously live version of Frogger as they try to dart across the street, avoiding the cars that come zipping around the blind corner next to the stadium.
Keeping in mind that faculty can park just about anywhere, the Gipp decided to take a little tally of the unused spots in the faculty parking areas near Senior Bar and the 'Brare. Around midday, there were approximately 262 vacant parking spots at Senior Bar and a whopping 495 in the recently expanded (for some unknown reason) parking lot across from the library. The Gipp isn't sure what the ratio of faculty to off-campus students is, but it's evident that the administration has grossly overestimated the number of faculty members. The Gipp's suggestion? Go to those lots with about 10 of your buddies and play a pick-up game of flag football, hockey or ultimate frisbee. It may be pavement, but, then again, three-quarters of South Quad is concrete.
Something was relayed to the Gip which happened a couple of weeks ago which he feels is worthy of note (and ridicule). A bunch of Flanner guys were playing football out by Stepan at 11:30 p.m. on Saturday, Novemeber 11, when they witnessed an accident across the road on Juniper. An unknown driver slammed into a lightpost, which subsequently fell onto the car. The guys then watched as the individual spent about 10 mintues trying to drive away from the scene.
Enter: Notre Dame Security. According to the witnesses, a Notre Dame Security officer drove up to the intersection, paused for a second or two, and then drove onto campus. Perhaps the lightpost on the hood of the car was not a dead giveaway that this driver needed to be apprehended. The struggle continued between the driver and the lightpost until five to ten minutes later, when Security returned to bust him.
See what fun you can have without partying on the weekends? These Flannerites were planning on having some good old fashioned fun and, instead, they watched a comedy of errors unfold before their eyes. What a country.
The Gipp has heard a lot about the stereotypes that causee a rift between Notre Dame and St. Mary's women. The stereotypical Notre Dame woman is supposed to be snooty and pretentious while the stereotypical St. Mary's woman is supposed to be dumb, lower class and overly friendly when it comes to men. Well,t he Gipp has something to bash these stereotypes right here and now--the St. Mary's women could be the ones who are snooty and pretentious.
One needs only to look as fas as LeMan Hall to see that the Gipp speaks the truth. In the basement of this dormitory there is a full beauty salon, complete with hair stylists, nair artists and tanning beds. The beautification center is truly a hot spot on St. Mary's campus, as every student has access to it through their still-operational tunnel system. (This is another topic altogether, to be bitched about later, when the wind chill factor falls to 50 degrees below zero.)
The Gipp may have been one out of only five peole on campus who read every page of the new conservative paper, Right Reason, but he feels the need to comment. All in all, the paper wasnt bad toilet top reading, but some of its complaints would make even Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh roll their eyes. Among the more absurd--a full page article dedicated solely to complaining about "folk" music in Mass. (The author's idea of folk music is "I Am the Bread of Life.") THe author implies that folk music is anti-Catholic because it was popularized by a bunch of pot smoking "hippies, dreamers, magic bean buyers, social-reform-radicals and others with too much time on their hands." Sing on, brother! ('Eere!)
On a lesser note, the back page was reserved for miscellaneous complaints, one of which bashed the "cosmos-worshipping Observer editors" for including a horoscope in their publication. Evidently, this is heretical and worthy of note to a very select few. If reading horoscopes is that bad then the Gipp would guess that about three quarters of the female population at Notre Dame is going to hell. There goes the male-to-female ratio.
So long, Gipp fans, and adieu until next semester. It's been a blast, but quite frankly, the Gipp needs to take a break. He must break out of his bitter-at-the-world mentality in order to finisht he semester and enjoy some yuletide joy.
Oh yeah, another complaint by Right Reason was a time in Scholastic when the word "pope" was not capitalized. However, as Right Reason may or may not know, there are certain instances when "pope" does not need to be capitalized. So... pope pope pope and pope on you.