To be is to do.--Aristotle
To do is to be.--Plato
Do be do be do.--Frank Sinatra
It seems that there are some new security guards who haven't yet gotten used to the idea that, when it comes to tailgating, all rules about alcohol consumption are out the window. The Gipp was informed that some thirsty and ambitious gentlemen from a certain spirited dorm decided to throw a little shindig before the Northwestern game. But the long arm of the law came by, checked IDs and made them abandon their copious amounts of alcohol.
The Gipp finds this completely unacceptable. Albeit, tailgating is a publicly accepted euphemism for abusive drinking; but at Notre Dame, it's not just tailgating, it's a sport. It is a sport we do well. Let the boys play, officer.
Unfortunately, the Gipp has to note that those same poor souls brilliantly loaded the remaining 24 cases onto a pickup truck and drove them right through the guard gate, thereby losing the rest of their beloved amber nectar. Obviously, these are the products of a higher education. Their moms must be so proud.
Anyone out there wanting to play rugby this year will have to be content to sit on the couch and try to find it on ESPN 2. A little bird told the Gipp that there is no rugby club this year because last year the jolly ol' chaps on the team threw a party at which "sub-human" acts occurred. The exact gory details about what happened at the party are shrouded in secrecy, known only by those who attended and Bill Kirk, the assistant vice president of student affairs, who got his hands on a videotape of the evening. He took one look at it and--viola!--no rugby club.
Boys, boys, boys, have you learned nothing from Rob Lowe's candid camera escapade with Miss Not-of-Legal-Age? Never leave incriminating evidence lying around and never, ever, deliberately create it.
The Gipp was in attendance at the Notre Dame victory at Purdue and was not the only one to notice the confused Purdue fan who chose not to watch his team lose, but instead to parade in front of the Notre Dame fans waving a Northwestern sweatshirt. After the game, as the aforementioned Purdue fan sat outside waving the NU sweatshirt, one Notre Dame fan swiped the sweatshirt and ran. Unfortunately, he didn't do a neighbor check and was soon escorted away in handcuffs by a nearby Purdue security officer.
Have no fear, Domers, because justice prevailed. The soon-to-be-jailed Irish fan covertly slipped the officer twenty bucks and just as quickly as the transaction occurred, the Irish perpetrator was unmanacled and free to go, much to the chagrin of the now sweatshirtless Purdue fan. Maybe now that Purdue fan can stop trying to live vicariously through Northwestern and face the reality that he is from Purdue, Purdue lost to Notre Dame and we are ahead of Northwestern in the polls.
Did you ever think that the OJ Simpson trial would be this close to a verdict? Well, the Gipp has been informed that the jurors have been getting restless, not only because they have been sequestered for close to a year now, but also because many of them are Irish fans. The season has begun and they are unable to watch their beloved team march onward to, uh, mediocrity.
They have asked Judge Ito if he would procure video tapes of the games from Notre Dame, and it has even been rumored that Judge Ito called the Athletic Department to request that no trial coverage be aired during the games so the jurors can watch. Commentating might be tough, though, when Notre Dame plays USC, OJ's alma mater. The Gipp could continue this commentary, but the bounds of good taste prevent him from doing so. Shocked?
The Gipp found this little tidbit an interesting example of the administration's way of sweeping an issue under the rug. As of now, the Alumni Senior Club can no longer serve shots of hard alcohol because someone celebrating his 21st birthday had too many shots and busted his head open on a urinal.
The Gipp can see the rationale: no more shots = no more abusive drinking. Whoever heard of anyone getting stumbling drunk on just beer? The Gipp personally doesn't have a problem with this new policy. "Excuse me, bartender, give me a Jack and Coke--hold the Coke."
Well, Gipp fans, another column comes to a close and the Gipp must bid adieu. Again, keep the tips coming either through e-mail or in the Scholastic office on the third floor of LaFortune.
A little advice: watch out for suspicious-looking security guards while tailgating and keep an eye out for any stray urinals. They can attack without warning.