Attitude, Allegations, and Innuendo
Attitude, Allegations, and Innuendo
"God is dead."--Nietzsche
"Nietzsche is dead."--God
"I hate the Dead."--Gipp
Well, well, well! At a recent Student Leadership Banquet, Father Rocca, the Assistant Vice President of Student Affairs, decided he could park wherever he wanted--even in the areas covered with those blaring yellow lines, recognized by others to mean, "No Parking." The rebellious VP also decided to motion a carload of rectresses to do the same. The sweet and innocent rectresses, knowing what they were doing was wrong, questioned the up-to-no-good Father Rocca. His response? "Don't worry. I'll take care of you. They don't touch US." What will this reckless abuse of power lead to next? Parking in handicapped spaces? Throwing away aluminum cans in the clear glass recycling bins? Running with scissors? Careful, Father Rocca, Big Gipper is watching you.
Now the Gipp is not one to brag or boast, but he recently received some information that he feels should be made known to all those whiners out there who think yours truly is "unprofessional" or "irresponsible." In fact, CampusWatch was voted the second best column in Indiana by the Indiana Collegiate Press Association. (No, no really--hold the applause until the end.) Apparently, the professionals didn't find the Gipper so unprofessional. Are apologies in order? The Gipp won't hold his breath. (Now you can clap.)
It has been reported to the Gipp that the bathroom has been the unlikely target of many practical jokes in Grace Hall. Earlier this semester, due to some mischievous rapscallion, members of one section found themselves showering without shower curtains. No punchlines needed here. In addition, recently members of another section had to visit the "royal throne" without the privacy of dividers. As conniving as this prank was, perhaps it could work out with a little teamwork. The Gipp doesn't know about you, but he has always wanted someone there next to him to hold the sports section while he's busy on the john. This idea could really soar. I'll hold, you tap, baby!
Has anyone else noticed the recent duck invasion on campus? Well, the Gipp had someone look into it and it turns out that the ducks are unwelcome guests on our lakes. Apparently, when nature calls, these little guys make the lake a very unbecoming color, so the powers that be at Notre Dame decided to take action. Swans, which cost a pretty penny, were bought, their wings were clipped and then they were set loose on the lakes. Since ducks and swans do not get along, the ducks are now making do with the lakes of water that form on every sidewalk on campus. Clever solution, but the Gipp wants to know what the difference is between duck dookie in the lake and swan dookie in the lake. He also wants to know what Notre Dame will do when these new guests start making the campus an unbecoming color.
Apparently, we aren't the only ones who are confused as to who exactly is in charge in the administration. Fr. Beauchamp and Monk Malloy recently visited the UND-Australia students vacationing... er, I mean... taking classes Down Under in Fremantle, Australia. At one of the ceremonies, presided over by Monk Malloy and Fr. Beauchamp, the Chancellor of the UND-Australia chapter extended a warm and heartfelt thanks to, "The University of Notre Dame in the U.S. for all their help, and especially for the support of their president, Father Joyce." That's OK, Monk Hirohito, the Gipp could have sworn Newt Gingrich was president. Who knows?
Well, you crazy kids out there, the Gipp hopes you have a wild and wacky summer. As for the Gipp, he will choose to follow some words his mentor once said to him. "Adventure--Hmmph!! Excitement--Hmmph!! A Gipper craves not these things." So long and thanks for all the fish. See you next year.
