Attitude, Allegations, and Innuendo
Attitude, Allegations, and Innuendo
"I see you lookin' at me sayin',
'How can you be so skinny
and live so phat?'
You know why?
'Cause I'm the Gipper."
Here's some not-so-suprising news about the culinary wasteland that is North Dining Hall. Apparently, a furry little rodent was lucky enough to escape the chopping block and wander into the Fiesta Grande section. The Gipp witnessed this spectacle firsthand and was surprised not by the fact that there was a mouse on the loose, but the by fact that the mouse was so small. The Gipp was under the impression that NDH used much bigger mice. Later on, it was revealed to the Gipper that two female students decided to take it upon themselves to bring the mouse back to their dorm with plans to nurse it back to health and then let it loose back in NDH. The Gipper hopes the little critter has a speedy recovery--he hasn't had Eldorado Casserole in a long time.
The Gipp must give kudos to the ever-so-pleasant NDH workers for their efforts in preventing you from taking more than one piece of fruit (the snipers on the roof are a nice touch). However, their security measures have a few leaks.
Recently, some unnamed student was able to walk away with one of the ID-checking machines. Now that's what I call having brass kahones. He was probably able to do so while the dining hall staff members were busy wrestling someone into submission for having one too many kiwis. Who would have guessed those nimble little minxes knew how to execute a perfect Camel Clutch? But I digress.
And never fear, South Dining Hall, the Gipper hasn't forgotten about you. Some aluminum fanatic has confessed to the Gipp that he has single-handedly stolen 1000 spoons from you guys over the past semester. This man needs a hobby. But this and other such events shows the Gipper that the revolution has begun. It is only a matter of time before a Yo-Cream machine shows up somewhere in Walsh Hall.
Perks? What perks? Yes, much is said about perks given to football players, but recently sources have informed the Gipp that the football coaches also enjoy an added bonus here and there. That would explain why all the football coaches are driving around in brand new Gurley-Leep Buicks and minivans. Holtz's even has the sticker still in the window. Either someone at Gurley-Leep is a fanatic Notre Dame fan or I smell football tickets.
It would appear that the new staff of Scholastic has already stepped on a few toes after its last issue. The Head Athletic Trainer was a little miffed by the article on athletic privileges last week. He was especially bothered by the anonymity of our sources.
He actually tracked down the writer and called her last weekend at home. It has been rumored that she has also caught a glimpse of men with greased back hair, sunglasses and three-piece suits following her around. The Gipp has even noticed the blaring red dot of a laser-sight bouncing around the Scholastic office from time to time.
For an amusing little extra, the Head Athletic Trainer even asked the Scholastic staff if he would get different results if he had Fr. Beauchamp ask for the anonymous student's name. Evidently, the Head Athletic Trainer hasn't been reading the Gipper as of late. The Gipp just thinks he's bitter because he didn't get a Buick.
Adieu, good Gipp fans Keep your tips coming. They are greatly appreciated. Keep them coming at 631-7569 or gipper.1@nd.edu. And for all those who contacted us, either by phone or by mail, with their bitter, inconsequential dribble, I quote the immortal Bill the Cat when I say, "Aacck Thhhppptt!"
