Allegations, Innuendo and Holtz Bashing

This is Sergeant Tim McCarthy of the Indiana State Police. This message goes out to players and fans of the opposing team. You are welcome to storm the field after you win the game, but please be courteous -- other teams will want to storm the field later in the season."

SPOILED LITTLE MAN

A Knott Hall resident wanted to give her dear old dad a present. She bought a football and took it over to the ACC to have Coach Holtz autograph it (which he usually does without batting an eye). When the girl asked Holtz's secretary to have the coach sign it when he got a chance, Ms. Secretary said, "In light of recent events, Lou Holtz will be concentrating on being a football coach and he won't be signing anything for a while."

SPOILED OLD MEN

Is the Alumni Association so unbelievably tacky that they have to put "Courtesy of the Notre Dame Alumni Association" on every flag the cheerleaders have? Come on, like these people need the exposure. Borrowing from the Alumni Association's book of etiquette, the Gipp gave his mother a large framed painting for her birthday and across the bottom, in big gold letters, he wrote, "I spent my own money on this gift, Mom, so don't forget it."

ANIMAL HOUSE PART II

On Friday of last week, there was a party on the 6th floor of Grace. This is not unusual, but some of the guests were. In the middle of the party, three random guys, whom no one recognized, walked into the room. They introduced themselves as students from Virginia Tech. No, they were not part of a visiting sports team; no, they were not potential transfer students; and no, they didn't have any friends at Notre Dame. They were fraternity pledges and their final frat pledge test was to travel to Notre Dame, get into a football game, get a picture with the Leprechaun, get a cheerleader's signature, and get a picture in front of Touchdown Jesus. Since this project would take several days to complete, the pledges were told by their fraternity masters that they could stay in the house of their sister sorority at Notre Dame.

VT Pledge to passer-by: "Um, could you tell us where the Alpha house is?"

Passer-by: "Are you sick?"

VT Pledge: "No, we're just lost and we need to get to the Alpha house. So could you tell us where all the sororities are?"

Passer-by: "You must be pledges. The closest thing we ever had to a sorority was Knott's Las Vegas Night, and beleive me, that was no sorority."

VT Pledge: "Oh man, you mean we've been tricked? Well, where's the nearest guys' dorm?"

Passer-by: "This is Grace. Some people think it's a guys dorm."

GIPPLETTES

  1. The Gipper is glad to see that they are re-gilding the Holy Grafitti on the sides of the Hesburgh Library. But gold leaf or not, the Gipp still can't figure out what the hell any of it means (but he snickers every time he passes "The Rod of Jesse.")
  2. The Gipper was snooping around the LaFortune Ballroom the other day and discovered that there is a very nice bar hidden away up there -- directly over the Office of Drug and Alcohol Education.
  3. Since they are digging up the Burke Golf Course come spring anyway, why not blow it up while the band plays the 1812 Overture -- just like Caddyshack.
  4. The Gipper hears from his source in the press box that as Executive Vice-President (the guy who hires and fires coaches) Father William Beauchamp watched the BYU game he violently slammed his fist into the table top several times. The Gipp also knows that Father Beauchamp drives a blue Buick. Coach Holtz might want to remember to watch for blue Buicks whenever he finds himself in the middle of cross-walks.

WAIT FOR VOICE MAIL

An influential student leader who is working on a major project these days is presently having to run the Student Affairs obstacle course. The other day he was calling the Student Affairs to make an appointment with Residence Life Chieftain Bill Kirk. After about five rings (the secretary was out of her office), the following conversation situation transpired:

Ring, Ring, Ring...

[Male voice answers phone]: Jeff!

[Influential Student Leader]: No, but is this Mr. Kirk?

[Male Voice]: Ahhhh, hold on.

That's it, that's all until after break. So until we meet again, the Gipper will go back to laughing about the fact that until 1946, Florida State University was the sister-school of the University of Florida. That's right, sister-school -- FSU was the Saint Mary's of the sunshine state. Well, some things never change.

JUST FOR THE TASTE OF IT, KEOUGH HALL

PRETEND THERE'S A PHOTO HERE -- L.o.t.G.

Here's the Gipper's version of our planned new dorm Keough Hall, which is the gift of Donald Keough, former chairman and CEO of Coca-Cola. The Gipp wonders if there will be a regular wing and a diet wing of the building? And will there be any Pepsi machines allowed?