GOSSIP, INNUENDO & GENERAL MISCHIEF

Mere hours, faithful followers, until your weary watcher can enjoy his due rest. Whether it's a stay in the rust belt or on to Cancun, a break from the drudgery is always a boon.

PASTARIA UNMASKED

Although break has begun for some, the Gipper had to share this bulletin with his loyal readers without another moment's wait. Some of the Gipper's friends who work at the dining halls passed on this disturbing fact about the "healthy" pasta bar. Before those filling, high-carbohydrate meals ever sit on your plate, the pasta is covered with oil.

Because the nutrition manager could not be reached, the Gipper resorted to asking a couple of folks working the pasta line at NDH. The pasta, which is packaged pre-cooked, is doused with oil, they said, but a lot of it comes off when it's boiled. This comes as quite a consolation. The Gipper cannot understand the need for non-sticky noodles, especially during the peak dining hall hours.

NOTRE DAME FAUNA

One of the Gipper's Junior CWs passed on a tidbit about some other animals with more than four legs living on campus. En route to his Management 231 exam, our tipster walked through Stepan Chemistry Hall to warm himself.

Between the doors he encountered a young, bespectacled, scientifically gifted and fashion-challenged Domer transporting a very large cockroach from Nieuwland. The approach of our budding business student apparently distracted the roach bearer enough to cause him to drop his pet on the floor. The insect was recaptured and all parties went on their way.

The Gipper, of course, is curious about a large cockroach near the RADIATION building. Now the Gipp may be unusual, but the idea of a building with frosted windows that no one enters or leaves (save workers bringing supplies) scares the Gipp. This also seems to be a plausible site for breeding roaches the size the Dungeons & Dragons folks never dreamed of.

The same day the Gipper received this message, he was cutting through Fitzpatrick on his way to an all-night DeBartolo experience. From a room on his right came a shriek. Along the wall, by the ugly gray computer raceways, ran a small mouse (not the plug-in kind). The Gipp suspects that this mouse is being fed the sandwiches from the vending machine.

Finally, why are there never any squirrel carcasses on campus?

THE BLUE GLASS CONUNDRUM

The Gipp supports recycling. He carries the glass and polystyrene from the Scholastic office to the sorting bins on the first floor of LaFortune. Trouble is, he still doesn't know what to do with all the brown glass from Cappio bottles and such. Right now he puts it in the "Blue/Green Glass" basket. The Gipp has never seen blue glass on campus. Nothing is sold at the Fast Break convenience-at-a-cost store packaged in blue glass. Unless one plans on recycling the Basilica's stained glass, the Gipp expects to see only 7-Up bottles in that bin.

HOW TO CONSOLE A CATHOLIC

What can you, a non-Catholic, say to your Roman Catholic friends tomorrow and every other Friday during Lent at Notre Dame while you chow on flame-broiled tasties and they return from eating a fish by-product at the dining hall?

"At least it's not the Gilligan's Island theme meal." The Gipper suggests smirking.

Three weeks will pass until you hear from your Uncle Gipper again, Campus Watchers. Not to fear, because good old Gippy will return with fresh thoughts and renewed bitterness. For now, hit a snake with a rake, bake a fudge cake, take a sheik to the lake and have a great break.

SHARE YOUR PROBLEMS WITH THE GIPPER! Now easier than ever!

A Gipper Extra

Your devious Uncle Gipper has got something special for all you who were good enough to stick around 'til Thursday (and for the unlucky saps stuck studying for MCATs).

The trick with the dining hall glasses from February 10 was such a success that your Uncle Gipp is now going to show you how to change the function keys at the library. It's a bit complicated, so clip this piece and save it for your next trip to the 'Brare. The Gipper recommends you try this trick as soon as possible. Those library folk wise up quickly.

  1. Go to your favorite UNLOC terminal. The Gipper favors those that get a lot of use.
  2. Holding down the CTRL key, press the ESC key in the upper left. The screen will go all wacky.
  3. Type your favorite function key number preceded by a zero. The Gipp suggests "05," the page forward key.
  4. Type the message you want. Use the arrow keys and not the backspace to make corrections.
  5. Press CTRL and ESC together again. The screen will return to the normal booger green.
  6. Now try out your own personal function key.
This doesn't work on all the computers. Why not try them all?

Another great way to put off work, brought to you by Campus Watch, Scholastic and the number 13!