The Gipp, however, completely wasted this time and is writing this minutes before deadline. That's why he is especially grateful to his junior Campus Watchers this week.
WHY THE GIPP DOESN'T HOOK UP
Loyal Gipper fans in Pasquerilla East were good enough to pass on the results of a little survey of Notre Dame males they did "for The Observer."
Given the choice:
At first the Gipper was skeptical of these results until he ran into a half dozen guys playing the game during the Superbowl (verifying the results and completely blowing his theory that only the love of football was more driving than a Notre Dame male's libido).
The survey's creators also gave the Gipp a glimpse of the semi-formals of the future: the SEGA SYR section theme. "What better way is there to ensure that your date will come and stay for the whole night and leave only when he's kicked out?" one of them said. The Gipp loves this idea. Each section would only have to buy its own game cartridge, the dorm's council wouldn't have to buy a DJ, and there would be almost as much conversation as the average crowded-room-with-loud-music party.
Instead of just repairing the machines, they had installed BRAND-NEW machines with DIGITAL TIMERS. Anyone who has worked with a computer knows this always makes machines work much better.
But the Gipp still has two complaints.
First, instead of counting down the time left in the cycle, the counters ought to count up from the time the wash or drying is complete. This would make the Gipp feel a whole lot less guilty when he removes someone's clothes that have been sitting in a dryer for 10 days (although the nagging fear remains that the clothes belong to a 6'6" psychopath who is looking for an excuse to punch someone, especially the Gipp).
Second, the Gipp still can't figure out why there are almost the same number of washers and dryers in each laundry although each wash takes 34 minutes and each dry takes at least 45 minutes. After a quick check on his solar-powered calculator, the Gipper finally understood why there are always lines into LaFortune laundry.
Seeking other gems like these, he came across the computer applications section: "CAPP 243. Introduction to Basic: Why People Do the Things They Do." Perhaps it is cross-listed with psychology.
That's all for this week, Gippy fans. Uncle Gipp will be back in seven days with his bitter Valentine's Day column (mark it in your Shillelaghs!). Meanwhile, stay hip, don't take no lip from a drip, eat a chip with dip, then tip the Gipp.
mail: 303 LaFortune
phone: 219/631-7569
fax: 219/631-9648
EXCITING INNOVATIONS
On one particularly exciting afternoon, the Gipp was carrying his roommate's dirty clothes to the laundry. [Note: The Gipp has far too much free time.] There he ran into three workmen servicing the laundry machines. This immediately excited the Gipp because, in the past, either of the working washers only dampened his clothes enough to settle the dust, and the single working dryer was always about as effective as person blowing on the clothes.SUMMER SCHOOL?
While the Gipper was paging through his favorite independent daily campus publication (it only costs $6 per student per semester), he came across the summer course listings. Skimming the titles, the Gipp's eyes caught the title, "HIST 366. Fun, Fun, Fun? Pursuing Happiness in Modern America." The Gipp kicked himself repeatedly after reading this. It makes the Gipp angry to think he could have been reading about the origins of Frisbee instead of trudging through a course with a mere 8000 pages of reading.THE GIPP GETS SERIOUS
Rumor has it that 12 women went into counseling after last year's Keenan Review. He has yet to hear how many were humiliated by this year's Event-for-which-all-Keenanites-exist. (Of course the Gipp is especially bitter because he failed to get tickets again.) Why the Saint Mary's women let Keenan continue to have the event on their campus year after year is beyond this Gipper's little mind. On the bright side, though, at least it's not Mr. Stanford."YOUR USUAL SPOT, MR. FLYNN?"
Then there's the question of on-campus parking permits for the current student body czars. As it is now, they can drive on campus at any time and for any reason. Why do they get special treatment when ambulances are routinely stopped at the campus gates for spot beer checks? "It's tradition," replied the student government office's secretary, obviously referring to a misty time (long before the Gipper) when the president and vice-president were required to make frequent trips on and off campus for the good of the student body.TIP THE GIPP!
e-mail: gipper.1@nd.edu