The Philosophy Site

Maggott's Metaphysical Musings

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Even for the most fanatic philosophers amongst us, philosophy does have its dry moments. That is why I am delighted to introduce you to the illustrious Maggot, whose genius, creativity and depth of philosophical analysis would brighten up any philosopher's driest moments. She is a fellow traveller in the quest for truth, whether it be truth of a metaphysical, ethical, aesthetic, financial or culinary nature. You will be surprised to hear that she does not boast any formal philosophical training whatsoever - her philosophy proceeds 'from the heart'. I am sure you are already curious to hear what gems of wisdom she has to pass on. Let me take this opportunity to thank her for her magnanimity in making her thoughts available to us, especially to those amongst us who have been limited by the logical and procedural conventions of academic philosophy, which she... leaves far behind.

I thought that you might gain a greater appreciation of 'the woman behind the words', so to speak, by reading our private correspondence (prior to her official appointment as Metaphysics Muse), which I publish, needless to say, with her express permission. This is the uncensored, 'no-holds-barred' version, available exclusively and for the first time ever, on The Philosophy Site (all rights reserved).

Maggot was the very first person to respond to the appeal I launched on my new website for some philosophical comments. She rose to the philosophical challenge with surprising rapidity and candour in an e-mail dated 12th January 2000 (I have preserved it in my inbox and will archive it in due course):

Do you want recipes too ? I have a mean chocolate cake mix - obviously the meaning of life.

I binge therefore I' m pudgy.

Maggot the metaphysical


I reflected for some time on her comments. Such creativity, such imagination, can only be the product of a great mind, as you all know. I sensed immediately that I was in the (electronic) presence of a razor-sharp philosophical mind, so I determined to appoint Maggot the Metaphysics Muse of my site (there had been a vacancy in my team for this position for some time, but it is not the kind of job one feels comfortable about advertising). Of course, I had no definitive proof that she wanted the job, or would rise to its demands, but I had a hunch she wouldn't let me down - and I can assure you, I have not been disappointed. I replied to her e-mail in the hope that I could elicit further elucidation on her simple yet fascinating statement, 'I binge therefore I'm pudgy'.


Dear Maggot,

Your chocolate cake recipes would probably be just the thing to liven up my website, and bring it up to a higher level of metaphysical awareness. 'I binge therefore I'm pudgy'.... To come out with a statement like that with no formal philosophical training shows an incredible grasp of what is possibly one of the more subtle aspects of Descartes' realisation, 'Cogito ergo sum'. It also exemplifies a lucid application of causal logic. In fact, it is breathtakingly simple and compact, yet it expresses a phenomenon which spans the material, vegetative, biological, and intellectual levels of reality.

I have been thinking of enrolling you as the Metaphysics Muse of my site. Your sharp observations could really take readers by surprise. There are a number of possible titles that spring to mind:

"Maggot's Metaphysical Musings"

"A Maggot's Approach to Metaphysics"

"The Philosophy of Food: Chocolate Cake as a Way into the Sublime"

...But I will leave the wording to your imagination, which is far more active than mine!

Metaphysically yours,

David.


In response, Maggot (possibly taken off her guard by my words of admiration), made a breathtaking confession: she had missed her true vocation by going into a telesales career:


 

Dearest David,

Many thanks for you sensitive encouragement and comments; I was just thinking, as I rode through the rain swept streets of Rathmines upper, in the constipated light of the early morning fog.. enslaved in a terminally smelly 14a; that I was indeed somewhat cheated; that I was in myriad ways wasted in my present role as mundane telesales business developement exec; and that I should heroically and emphatically dedicate myself, my soul, my life to "The Muse".

As only you and I can appreciate; we are so far up the upper echelons of intellectual prowess; that sometimes we get the most dreadful nose bleeds... ( tip: plenty of vitamin B6 supplements). The importance of new, exciting, invigorating and utterly unique philosophical paradigms linking the consumption of chocolate and the infinite search for truth is paramount. And may I be so bold as to say both are intrinsically linked - without one; the other does not exist; no chocolate, no truth, no life.

Thank you, thank you...Lucid application of causal logic is a hidden talent of mine - something modesty prevents me from actively demonstrating on a regular or any basis.

I appreciate the working titles - but my metaphysical analysis of chocolate and its cognitive impact is, dare I say, what you could call "a life work". In the short term, I thought I would submit

"ceramics have feelings too! a journey beyond the clay"

or

"cross-species backgammon; open your mind !"

Let me know your thoughts

Kant and won't

Metaphysical Mags


I was left speechless by Maggot's philosophical candour. Her incisive observation - 'I binge, therefore I'm pudgy' (which would appear to run parallel to 'no chocolate, no truth, no life') - I do not think you will mind my repeating such a valuable principle - gives me hope. Someone once said, anything you say has already been said before by somebody else. I was tempted to agree, up to a few days ago. Yet, in all my philosophical research and life experience, I have NEVER heard of anyone making such an observation (at least consciously) - I binge, therefore I'm pudgy. True, it does - at least superficially - resemble the famous Cartesian assertion, 'I think, therefore I am'. Yet, you will notice (please bear with me, for this is an important subject) that whereas Descartes inferred his own existence from his ability to think, Maggot inferred a non-essential, accidental feature of reality - pudginess - from the fact of bingeing. Whether the link between bingeing and pudginess is actually a necessary one is questionable, since it seems that one may binge, and yet not become pudgy. Whereas it is difficult to imagine somebody thinking and not existing! This is not in any way to undermine Maggot's thesis, of course - it only serves to bring out even more forcefully the uniquess of this intriguing principle ('I binge, therefore I'm pudgy').

Finally, I will leave you with our last recorded exchange:




Dear Maggot,

Indeed, anything you submit on the (as yet unexplored) link between chocolate and the deeper metaphysical questions, or "ceramics have feelings too: a journey beyond the clay" would, I am sure, be perfectly acceptable. The latter, for some reason, appeals to me more deeply.

I have no doubt that your submission would leave many unanswered questions in readers' minds, particularly the source of your insights ('is she inspired?', 'Could it be divine revelation?', 'Where did that come from?', etc.). And since the purpose of my philosophy site is, at least in part, to make people wonder (which is the start of any true philosophical enquiry), I think your musings would be most a most appropriate addition to the site.


Best wishes,


David

 

To which Maggot replied...

 

David!
 
Auspicious as ever. I am truly flattered. "Could it be divine revelation?" If I did not know you better, as the singularly candid individual that you are; I would have automatically presumed that you were "procuring the waste nitrogen compounds, so to speak". Please bear with me, I will submit an argument on one of the topics I have pondered and proclaimed.
 
To philosophise one must be detached! Anyhow must run.. have to comb my hair unnecessarily as I run to the bathroom for the upteenth time to be with my N.B.F, mirror.
 
Aesthetically yours


Maggot