|
|
Imagine
no Ads, just Super Philanthropy (Indianapolis Star 1/18/06)
In a stunning, last second announcement of unprecedented social consciousness,
ABC announced that it’s complete lineup of advertisers for Super
Bowl XL have scrapped their planned commercials, and donated their exorbitant
costs of airing a 30-second ad during the game to grass roots social agencies
nationwide in dire need of financial support.
Traditionally a staple among Super Bowl advertisers, Annheuser Busch has
pulled its ten ads featuring flatulent Clydesdales. Busch will instead
launch a minimalist ad campaign the week after the game with the following
white text scrolling on a simple black background. “The Busch family
has come to the realization that they could make a much larger impact
in society by taking the money normally spent in one 30-second Super Bowl
spot, and donating it to a homeless center. So that’s what we’ve
done. Ten times over.”
“Instead of airing farting horses, we will be feeding and housing
4700 Americans for an entire year,” noted a Busch spokeswoman. “We
decided it’s probably not necessary to spend $26 million dollars
in five minutes to get Americans to drink beer. Clearly, this alternative
is Bud wiser.”
Other Super advertisers have followed suit.
Cingular’s planned Super Bowl spending spree was originally a brand
entertainment deal. “Cingular was going to be the official sponsor
of the opening coin toss, as well as the Cingular first quarter time of
possession statistics, the Cingular red zone efficiency stats, and the
highly anticipated Cingular cheerleader cam(s),” a Cingular PR rep
explained.
“But we’ve decided to sponsor the YWCA in South Bend, Indiana
instead. The federal government slashed their budget by a million dollars
recently, and we’d like to help them make it through some tough
times.”
GoDaddy.com, an internet domain registrar, chose to cover up their bare
breasted ads poking fun at TV censorship. “We’d like to change
the name association of GoDaddy with cheap, sleazy bimbos,” commented
a GoDaddy spokeswoman. GoDaddy is taking our $2.6 million dollars and
giving it to the Asian Women’s Shelter in San Francisco. We’ve
decided to help women, not mock them.”
“Imagine the lives we can change by donating the cost of our frivolous
30-second spot to this wonderful non-profit organization that provides
safety, food, shelter, advocacy, and other resources to assist women in
rebuilding violence-free lives for themselves and their children.”
Countertop manufacturer Cosentino USA took a similar approach. Consentino
donated their $2.6 million dollar ad to Youth Outreach and Services in
Gainesville, GA, which operates on an annual budget of $120,000 per year.
“We’d like to give them funding for the next 20 years,”
said an unidentified Consentino executive. “Our ads last year with
Dennis Rodman lounging in a bubble bath were very effective. However,
we’ve decided to steer away from cross-dressing, ex-NBA freaks and
decided to project an image of positive male role models. This extraordinary
program reaches troubled and thrown away youth, helping them build successful
and productive lives.”
While this consortium of advertisers donates their 58 commercial spots
worth $150 million to charity, ABC stands empty-handed. “It seems
the ad agencies and the marketing execs decided their companies could
benefit more by associating themselves with public service, rather than
tossing $2.6 million out the window in 30 seconds,” said a pale-faced
ABC sales rep. “It’s too late to find replacement ads at that
price. What are we going to air during timeouts?”
Actually, the network has been toiling with two ideas on how to deal with
the dead airtime, “I suppose we could analyze the game,” wondered
Jake Kelly, executive producer of the seven hour broadcast. “But
more than likely we’ll interview the Desperate Housewives cast during
the first half, then stage a round of Dancing With The Stars in the north
end zone during second half timeouts.”
With the anticipation of 90 million Americans tuning in for the game,
the question remains. Why would corporate America gobble up the most expensive
commercial airtime on television, then not use it, and donate the funds
to charitable organizations?
They wouldn’t.
But just imagine. Wouldn’t that be a truly Super Bowl?
Ted Mandell teaches in the Department of Film, Television, and Theatre
at the University of Notre Dame.
Copyright 2006 Ted Mandell.
<old
fun informal home page>
|